Imagine a dried sponge. It is hard, stiff, not flexible – very few uses. Add water. It becomes soft and pliable – very useful.
How might this dry sponge compare to a person who by practice and process refuses or avoids soaking in new information, new ideas? Does he/she become hard and inflexible? Compare him/her to a person that readily and continually seeks new information and collects new ideas.
What they do next determines their relative usefulness. Even a wet pliable sponge that is left idle, unused, serves little purpose. Similarly a person with ample knowledge and ideas who does not share or put them into action also serves little purpose to self or others.
Purpose is potentiated when knowledge and ideas are acted on. Like grabbing a wet sponge to clear a surface, sharing and taking action based on one’s knowledge and ideas creates opportunities for clearing, expanding, and progressing for self and others.
As we have a great potential to learn more and imagine more, our first responsibility is to do so. Our second, and most important responsibility, is ‘to do’ – take the new-found knowledge and act on it. Start on an intended project – progress on a started project.
My experience is that progress is its own reward. The end result often is less energizing and less satisfying that the journey toward it.
Katie is my sister Karen’s 70 lb. Pit Bull. Solid muscle. She is very gentle with me – and I am committed to keep it so.
Nearly every home around Karen’s neighborhood has a dog. Most have “Beware of Dog” signs on their fence.
When I walk Katie on her leash in the neighborhood a cacophony of barking erupts. As we walk by the fenced-in dogs they loudly and aggressively bark and race about – acting like their only wish is to be released to confront Katie. The truth is, if they were released they would run as fast as their legs would allow – in the opposite direction.
Bravery is not baking or blustering.
These dogs act like too many well-intentioned, yet poorly acting persons who loudly and continually proclaim to self and others that they are going to do ‘this or that’. Their proclamations fall empty when declared behind their self-imposed fences of ‘never starting’ – never venturing beyond their comfort zones to attempt to tackle the project of their proclamation. I know because, on occasion, I have been one.
The following shared wisdom is attributed to the Buddha, “There are only two mistakes one can make on the road to truth: not going all the way, and not starting.”
Bravery only starts with Intention. It becomes a claimed and valued Virtue when Action is taken. Now is a good time!
MAY 4TH, 2011, AUTHOR: STEVEN HANDEL, CATEGORIES: PSYCHOLOGY
Neurons that fire together wire together. So the more we practice having thoughts or beliefs that benefit our well-being, the more naturally those thoughts and beliefs will play themselves out in our everyday life.
Affirmations are one way to develop new beliefs that can eventually become second-nature. Every morning or evening we can repeat these affirmations with a clear and focused mind, and with practice these beliefs can take hold inside our brains.
One caveat, however, is to make sure that the affirmations you repeat to yourself are congruent with reality, and aligned with your core values. I’ve seen many people come up with delusional affirmations and then attempt to ingrain them into their minds. Even when they do succeed, those beliefs can be detrimental.
Please be aware of the meaning and intention behind the affirmation before you decide to “program it” into your mind.
The following is just a list of suggestions on some of the affirmations you may want to practice. Feel free to use the ones you think will benefit you, and disregard the ones you disagree with. Hopefully this list can also motivate you to think of some unique affirmations of your own.
I recommend only practicing 1 or 2 affirmations at a time. And the affirmations you choose to practice should largely depend on your current goals in self-improvement.
75 Affirmations for Self Improvement
1. Everyday, in every way, I am getting better and better.
2. Every failure can be a learning experience.
3. Live in the present moment.
4. I create value in other peoples’ lives.
5. I am always changing.
6. I am worthy of positive relationships in my life.
7. I wish the best for everyone.
8. I learn something new everyday.
9. I am genuinely interested in other people.
10. I have many strengths.
11. I don’t worry about the things I can’t control.
12. Listening to my emotions can help guide me to make better decisions.
13. My anxiety is motivation to change or improve.
14. I can overcome obstacles in my life.
15. I am a positive role model to others.
16. I will try something different today.
17. Stepping outside of my comfort zone is necessary for growth.
18. People are generally good.
19. I forgive anyone who has hurt me in the past.
20. I have a rich and supportive social circle.
21. What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger.
22. My past is one big learning experience.
23. I must be the change I wish to see in the world.
24. I will try to be more understanding of others.
25. Depression is just a stepping stone.
26. This too shall pass.
27. I can find happiness in every moment.
28. I’m a proactive problem-solver.
29. When I open my mind and senses, I’m much more creative.
30. I can create my own positive energy.
31. When people get to know me, they really like me.
32. Just do it.
33. I can see the bigger picture.
34. I see money as a useful tool for helping myself and others.
35. I take small steps everyday to be more healthy.
36. I’m dedicated to my passions in life.
37. I have the resources to take care of my family.
38. My negative emotions can serve a positive function.
39. I determine the meaning of my life.
40. Every decision I make helps shape my destiny.
41. No risk, no reward.
42. I remain focused on what matters.
43. I participate in life, I don’t wait for it to happen.
44. I will be more conscious when acting and making decisions.
45. I can think rationally and intelligently.
46. I’m dedicated to self improvement.
47. I treat others with kindness and respect.
48. If I want something I’ve never had, I must do something I’ve never done.
49. I know when to relax and not take life so seriously.
50. Nature doesn’t hurry, yet all is accomplished.
51. I can accept criticism without taking it personally.
52. I love and accept my body.
53. When I love myself, I allow others to love me too.
54. Most of the limitations in my life are fictional.
55. I narrate the story of my life.
56. I exude purpose and joy.
57. All is well, right here, right now.
58. Today, I open my mind to the endless opportunities surrounding me.
59. I am grateful for the people in my life.
60. I am my own best friend.
61. I can find balance in my life.
62. I am mindful of my health and well-being.
63. I exercise freedom in all aspects of my life.
64. I know when to trust my intuition.
65. I can gain knowledge in anything if I’m willing to learn.
66. I strive to achieve my goals and values in life.
67. I can only give happiness to others once I have found happiness in myself.
68. I’m optimistic about the future.
69. I have all the material luxury I need.
70. I’m thankful for everything in my life.
71. I’m interconnected with everything in the universe.
72. I’m productive in achieving what I want in life.
73. Small changes on a daily basis lead to big changes over time.
The following personal incident is one that I have retold to my children as an example of an important leadership principle. Please indulge its egocentric nature.
At end of story I offer my thoughts about its current application to the Covid19 crisis.
Walking out of the California Department of Motor Vehicles, dressed in light khaki slacks and my school letterman’s sweater, I was proudly clutching my just issued first driver’s license. Two days earlier I had turned 16, the minimum age required by the DMV.
Eager to show-off my new wealth I borrowed my mother’s car to drive to Susan’s house. Susan was a cute brunette cheerleader that I shared some classes with and whose attention I had been trying to attract for weeks.
Although surprised by my unannounced visit, Susan greeted me warmly and invited me in. Sitting in her living room I proudly displayed my new license and told her about the testing process. After a few minutes of small talk Susan said that she was going to the kitchen to prepare a few snacks. As she arose I asked to use her restroom.
As I open the faucet to wash my hands a big spray of water shot out at me. The water soaked the front of my khaki pants. It gave every appearance that I had peed my pants.
On the counter I saw a dish with a box of wooden matches. With the intention to dry my pants I struck three matches at once and held them near my soaked pants. The matches did not dry my pants. They burned a big hole right in the crotch.
Without a goodbye I sprinted out the front door, jumped in my car and sped home.
What is the Leadership Lesson here?:
Never try to solve a problem with a solution whose consequences may be greater than the problem.
Little white lies, inflated resumes, bogus tax reports, and usually selecting the cheapest product or bidder fall subject to this principle. What others can you think of?
***
In 2020 with the economic crises being experienced resulting from the precautions to protect from Covid19 many persons and businesses are urging to re-open offices and business establishments. President Trump declared, “don’t let the cure be worse than the problem.” Although this is exactly my learned Leadership Lesson I think that he has got it exactly wrong. In my opinion, as painful as are the economic crises, it would be a serious public health and safety mistake to ‘cure the economic problem’ by implementing a solution which could lead to greater consequences – deaths. How many and whose deaths are acceptable?
Theory # 2:
Following is a long story to impart a short important leadership lesson.
Even in July, at 05:00 in the morning, in Amarillo, Texas it was uncomfortably cold.
Leading the squadron, running as hard as I could, I charged around the ¼ mile track in shorts, T-shirt, and heavy black combat boots. The mile-run was the start of each day at Air Force Boot Camp. As the Squadron Physical Training Officer (PTO) I set the goal of daily finishing the run ahead of all other cadets.
Months before, I had been drafted by the US Army. I was just finishing my third year at university. My Dad recommended that I try and join the Air Force Reserve Officer Training Corp (ROTC) at my university which if selected would allow me to complete my undergraduate studies and enter the service as an Officer. I applied and was selected as a candidate for Air Force pilot training. The ROTC program required that I train as a student cadet for two years taking courses in leadership and military subjects along with my other university classes.
ROTC Boot Camp was every cadet’s first experience of the military. Boot Camp, physically and mentally very challenging, was designed to begin preparing cadets for the physical, mental, and emotional responsibilities of leadership positions in the Air Force. It was also designed to ‘weed-out’ young men who might not be suitable for such responsibilities.
Prior to going to camp I asked a fraternity brother who had recently completed Boot Camp how I could best prepare for the training and in what ways might I distinguish myself. He said that many cadets would be singled-out for various leadership positions throughout the six-week encampment. He advised to get into good physical condition, as the highest visibility was the PTO position. This role was fixed and not weekly rotated as were the other assignments.
So on the first day of Boot Camp when the Squadron Commander asked who would step-up and serve as PTO I eagerly volunteered. (Even though my Dad, a former US Army Officer, had warned me against volunteering for duties in the military.) As PTO it was my responsibility, in the dark and chill of every morning, after the mile run, to lead the squadron of several hundred cadets through 30 minutes of grueling calisthenics.
Every morning at 05:00 a bugle would trumpet ‘Reveille’ through loud-speakers demanding all cadets awaken, dress for PT, and ‘fall-in’ at ‘Attention’ in formation – all within five minutes. After the third day of this I stealthily started getting-up 10 minutes early to empty my bladder, don three extra T-shirts, extra socks, hide three sticks of gum in my mouth, and wait for the blare of the bugle. This worked wonders as I was warmer, on-time, and ready for the run.
During the last month of the training cadets were advised that each Flight Commander (FC), a regular AF Captain, could nominate exceptionally performing cadets from his flight to be considered for ‘Outstanding Cadet of the Encampment’. I was very proud to be nominated by my FC.
One week later I was sitting in the Headquarters Building with a dozen other cadets waiting to be interviewed by AF senior officers who would select the OCE. With two cadets ahead of me in the interviewing cue I excused myself to go to the latrine.
Different faucet – same result. An offending stream of water shot directly at my khaki uniform pants. No matches or other devices offered any solution. Escape also was not an option. I delayed as long as I could until I heard, “Cadet Yarbrough – report to the Interview Room!”
I entered the room and took the standing position of ‘Attention’ 10 feet in front of the table at which sat the Base Commandant-a full Colonel, two Majors, and two Captains – one of which was my FC.
I saluted and on-command assumed the position of ‘Parade Rest’, still standing, feet slightly apart, hands behind my back, eyes looking straight ahead, not focusing on the interviewing Officers.
For the next 15 interminable minutes the Officers asked me questions about world events, my personal background, my camp experiences, and my intentions for service in the Air Force. Staring straight ahead I answered as confidently and articulately as I could. I was subsequently dismissed and instructed to proceed to my next duty post.
The night before the Encampment was completed the regular Officers hosted a celebratory dinner for all the cadets who had successfully completed the training. Upon completion of the meal the Base Commandant gave a speech congratulating the cadets. He acknowledged that shortly many would be likely sent into combat and he wished us “good service and good luck”. His final congratulatory remarks were reserved for the announcement of the OCE.
With total surprise, great pride, and no faucets in sight, I strode to podium to accept the award.
The last day of Boot Camp, after a final scrub-down our barracks, I was ordered to go to my FC’s office. This was the only time his demeanor was cordial and encouraging. Throughout the previous two months he had prodded and pushed every cadet, excoriating them to constantly improve at whatever the task-at-hand was.
My Captain congratulated me on being selected as the OCE and counseled that if I maintained my focus and discipline I could have a distinguishing military career. I was humbled and honored and I asked him what were the determining factors in my selection. My FC recounted my hard work, outstanding physical and academic marks, and efforts to assist my fellow-cadets. Finally he smiled as he confided, “ Cadet, although you had distinguished yourself throughout the Encampment so had other excellently performing cadets. However, when you entered the Interview Room with a big piss stain on your pants and without excuse or hesitation confidently answered our questions we felt that you could be an officer who could rise-up above personal embarrassment and stress and effectively take-charge during times of crisis. This is a quality most needed by our Officers.”
What is the Leadership Lesson here?
Effective leaders must not allow personal issues or stresses to cloud their judgment or derail them from taking courageous, timely, and decisive action – especially during times of uncertainty or crisis.
Recall any personal “shoulda, woulda, coulda’s” where personal stresses interfered with you taking courageous effective action. With 20/20 hindsight estimate the potential ‘gains vs costs’ that might have resulted if you had acted on this Leadership principle. My Dad advised that Courage lives by risk, including the risk of failure. It is also the seed of expanded Insight, Growth, and Opportunity.
“Courage is being scared to death – and saddling up anyway.”
– John Wayne
PS – What I did not know when I was daily finishing first in the mile-run was that one FC had instructed his Flight to run as a unit. Within his flight was a track star from a big California university. On the last run of the encampment the FC had told him to take charge and win the run. When this cadet flew by me, not knowing who he was, I figured that he would burn-out so I worked to stay as close as I could. He finished the mile in 4 minutes 28 seconds – in black combat boots! I finished in 5 minutes – and spent the next 20 throwing-up.
Below is an excerpt from my book, Small Bites. It is a rendering of my thoughts about how to approach ‘Adversity’ as a former military pilot and a business leader.
The adversity and challenges we are facing regarding the health and economic issues thrust upon us by Covid19 are extreme. They are different for each of us. Although not written with any notion of such a global pandemic there may be some useful ideas in the general approach to such adversity.
“When an in-flight mechanical failure occurs a pilot spends his focus blaming the plane at great peril.” – Dad
“I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.” – General George S. Patton
Handling adversity or unexpected turbulence requires a sharp focus on what should be done first. As mentioned in my chapter on Attitude, pilots are trained to memorize critical Emergency Procedures for nearly all conceived emergencies. These must be conducted in specific order. The procedures are continually practiced until the pilot becomes fully functionally competent in proceeding through the memorized checklist.
Outside the cockpit, adversities in life are usually a confluence or accumulation of events. Rarely are there a set of exactly appropriate procedures that can be immediately applied to correct the situation. However, there are actions to take to insure greater success in transiting through the turbulence.
The right Attitude supplemented with appropriate Courage is more likely to lead to the right Actions. Anthony Robbins advises that it is vital to see things as they are, not worse than they are and act to change things to be as you want them to be.
My high school football coach drilled the principle into our head that, “When you are within the 10 yard line, don’t drop the damn ball.” I have worked to apply this principle to my businesses and my relationships.
Formerly, I had perceived this warning as to not lose focus or commitment when you were near your goal. Although I recognize this wise caution, my life experience has taught me that the greatest risk is to lose focus or commitment when you are on your heels, nearly under water, or when your goals and success seem quite distant.
I have found these times most crucial for personal achievement – for a ‘turn-around’. For a leader, the recognition, energy, and activity required for effectively coping and moving forward during times of crisis are more important than any other time. It is within the environment of chaos that leadership is exposed. It is the most difficult time to marshal personal and team resources. Crises are the true test of personal effectiveness and leadership. As a wise person wrote,
“It is easy enough to be pleasant, When life flows by like a song, But the man worth while Is one who will smile, When everything goes dead wrong.” – Ella Wheeler Wilcox
The old saying, “Easier said than done”, is only relevant when we are stuck in inertia spending more time complaining than acting. Michael Josephson advises,
“When you are in a hole, stop digging.”
Effective personal and organizational leadership must be uplifting, not “downbeating”. It must be creative, visionary, and appropriately risk-taking.
During crises, risk must be managed. But first, it must be understood. Bob Lutz, a guru at General Motors, advises that in times of crisis a measure of “productive paranoia” is useful. Fanatic discipline to manage risk must be empirical in focus, a rigorous assessment of the facts, and actions to root out what actually works and what does not.
Effective leadership must be disciplined to constantly focus on which attitudes correlate to successful action and which actions correlate to successful results. Disciplined focus and activity lead to increased resilience and faith. As Steve Jobs said,
“Sometimes life is going to hit you in the face with a brick. Don’t lose faith.”
Faith is not relying on the anticipation of good luck. Good luck cannot be the foundation for success. Faith in self is the Well from which personal resourcefulness can flow. Faith in self is an essential ingredient to overcome threats to survival, be they personal or organizational.
Faith provides the stimulus to stay in motion. The key is to do what is known to work. For the individual, it is exercise, nutrition, journaling, networking, working a plan. For the leader, it is collaborating, inspiring, guiding, and leading from the front. Many of the Small Bites emphasize these principles, especially in the chapters on Courage, Success, and Action.
Every football running back can attest that it is easier to change direction when in motion. Remember that every unexpected adversity creates possibilities for a different experience. There are no failures in life, only lessons. Wisdom is earned when you embrace the lessons in every failure. These are often hidden and often with unanticipated opportunities.
Like the undaunted young man excited by the pile of horse manure claiming, “There must be a pony around here someplace!” our challenge is always to look for the pony, the opportunity, while handling the turbulence. Many Small Bites speak to this wisdom.
Turbulence – Emergency Procedures
“Make a commitment that tragedies and disappointments become a source of increased Patience, Strength, & Wisdom.” – Dad
“If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill
“In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“A crisis is a terrible thing to waste.” – Anonymous
“God sometimes does try to the uttermost those whom he wishes to bless.” – Mohandas Gandhi
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