Musings 
No Comments FAMILY & FRIENDS (Air Crew)
“The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of your relationships.” – Anthony Robbins
“If you associate with turkeys you will never fly with eagles.” – Brian Tracy
One of my mentors has continually reinforced the principle that it doesn’t matter where you go in life, what you do…it’s who you have beside you. Most times we don’t choose our family, yet these persons, who care most for us, usually provide the experiential laboratory for what works and what doesn’t in human relationships. Nurturing and supporting these relationships are key components to our sense of responsibility and service.
We do have choice in choosing our friends. Making good choices is one of the most important things we can do. The choices we make and how we cultivate and care for these relationships largely determine the success and joy that we experience.
As stated previously, “If you always live with those that are lame, you yourself will learn to limp.” Conversely if you surround yourself with persons of integrity, industry, and compassion you will most likely become an active member of a powerful and successful group.
Operating Philosophy
My operating philosophy is to practice “Clear-eyed Optimism”. I believe that most people are good. I believe that the overall impact of this philosophy promotes greater opportunities for joy and perceived Universal support.
The few times when I lapsed into an unenlightened and shallow version of this belief, I allowed a person to undermine my success and cause me grief. The grief would likely have been greatly mitigated had I illuminated the relationship by closer observation of the other’s needs and more clearly sussed out their intentions.
The French scientist and philosopher, Blaise Pascal, cautions, “The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.”
My experience has taught me that everyone primarily sees facts from their own perceived best interest, often narrowly defined. This is not to suggest that being a cynic is preferable, but that “clear-seeing”, allowing that everyone does not share the full “do unto others” operating philosophy requires my full attention. I must be alert not to confuse personality and charisma with enlightened mutual or public interest. The caution, “Don’t do business with strangers” applies to all of our relationships, even relatives.
While a full vetting of a stranger’s intentions is usually not possible, I’ve found that an optimistic “eyes-wide-open” approach is most revealing. Detecting attempts at duplicity or manipulation is easier when I have invited a person into relationship. A “clear-eyed” relationship, whether with stranger, friend, or family, always starts and ends with effective communication.
Have you ever encountered a person who is so wrapped up in their own thoughts and interests that they allow no time for yours?
Sometime ago I met a person who was quite accomplished, and very full of themselves. He went on and on describing in detail his thoughts and feelings, not stopping to consider mine. When he finally did, his questions took the form of, “Enough about me. Tell me about you. What do you think about me?”
What would your experience in this communication cycle be? Aren’t they still a stranger with unvetted intentions if there is no two-way dialogue? How eager are you to continue the one-way conversation? How eager are you to enter into a business or other relationship?
Stephen Covey’s Habit # 5, his principle for empathetic communication from his wonderful book The 7 habits of Highly Effective People, is, Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood. Simply: don’t prescribe without diagnosis. Covey further counsels, Unless you’re influenced by my uniqueness, I am not going to be influenced by your advice.
My personal formula for Effective Communication and Relationships is:
A R A C
– A = Acknowledgement
– R = Respect
– A = Appreciation
– C = Consideration
– Always start with properly Acknowledging a person’s presence. This immediately opens the door for exchange.
– The default position of a new relationship is Respect. Although trust must be earned, initial respect should be granted.
– Genuine Appreciation for another’s presence and gifts, real and potential, is a blessing to the receiver, and the giver.
– Consideration is an external expression of A, R, A. It can be a physical exchange, an appropriate courtesy, a timely follow-up, being a thoughtful listener, or as an earnest deliberator.
My formula is practiced with attempt to first focus on the other’s perspective, but with “eyes-wide-open”. My goal is to establish a mutually beneficial relationship based on mutual respect and appreciation. This must become innate for effective Responsible Leadership.
Try this formula first with your family. They may not be the easiest communication partners, but the rewards are the greatest.
“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” – Albert Schweitzer
