Life in Small Bites

Below is an excerpt from my book, Small Bites. It is a rendering of my thoughts about how to approach ‘Adversity’ as a former military pilot and a business leader.

The adversity and challenges we are facing regarding the health and economic issues thrust upon us by Covid19 are extreme. They are different for each of us. Although not written with any notion of such a global pandemic there may be some useful ideas in the general approach to such adversity.

“When an in-flight mechanical failure occurs a pilot spends his focus blaming the plane at great peril.” – Dad

“I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom.” – General George S. Patton

Handling adversity or unexpected turbulence requires a sharp focus on what should be done first.  As mentioned in my chapter on Attitude, pilots are trained to memorize critical Emergency Procedures for nearly all conceived emergencies. These must be conducted in specific order.  The procedures are continually practiced until the pilot becomes fully functionally competent in proceeding through the memorized checklist.

Outside the cockpit, adversities in life are usually a confluence or accumulation of events.  Rarely are there a set of exactly appropriate procedures that can be immediately applied to correct the situation.  However, there are actions to take to insure greater success in transiting through the turbulence.

The right Attitude supplemented with appropriate Courage is more likely to lead to the right Actions.  Anthony Robbins advises that it is vital to see things as they are, not worse than they are and act to change things to be as you want them to be.

My high school football coach drilled the principle into our head that, “When you are within the 10 yard line, don’t drop the damn ball.”  I have worked to apply this principle to my businesses and my relationships.

Formerly, I had perceived this warning as to not lose focus or commitment when you were near your goal.  Although I recognize this wise caution, my life experience has taught me that the greatest risk is to lose focus or commitment when you are on your heels, nearly under water, or when your goals and success seem quite distant.

I have found these times most crucial for personal achievement – for a ‘turn-around’.  For a leader, the recognition, energy, and activity required for effectively coping and moving forward during times of crisis are more important than any other time.   It is within the environment of chaos that leadership is exposed. It is the most difficult time to marshal personal and team resources.  Crises are the true test of personal effectiveness and leadership.  As a wise person wrote,

“It is easy enough to be pleasant,
When life flows by like a song,
But the man worth while
Is one who will smile,
When everything goes dead wrong.” – Ella Wheeler Wilcox

The old saying, “Easier said than done”, is only relevant when we are stuck in inertia spending more time complaining than acting.  Michael Josephson advises,

“When you are in a hole, stop digging.”

Effective personal and organizational leadership must be uplifting, not “downbeating”.  It must be creative, visionary, and appropriately risk-taking.

During crises, risk must be managed.  But first, it must be understood.  Bob Lutz, a guru at General Motors, advises that in times of crisis a measure of “productive paranoia” is useful.  Fanatic discipline to manage risk must be empirical in focus, a rigorous assessment of the facts, and actions to root out what actually works and what does not.

Effective leadership must be disciplined to constantly focus on which attitudes correlate to successful action and which actions correlate to successful results.  Disciplined focus and activity lead to increased resilience and faith.  As Steve Jobs said,

“Sometimes life is going to hit you in the face with a brick.  Don’t lose faith.”

Faith is not relying on the anticipation of good luck.  Good luck cannot be the foundation for success.  Faith in self is the Well from which personal resourcefulness can flow.   Faith in self is an essential ingredient to overcome threats to survival, be they personal or organizational.

Faith provides the stimulus to stay in motion. The key is to do what is known to work. For the individual, it is exercise, nutrition, journaling, networking, working a plan.  For the leader, it is collaborating, inspiring, guiding, and leading from the front.  Many of the Small Bites emphasize these principles, especially in the chapters on Courage, Success, and Action.

Every football running back can attest that it is easier to change direction when in motion.  Remember that every unexpected adversity creates possibilities for a different experience. There are no failures in life, only lessons.  Wisdom is earned when you embrace the lessons in every failure.  These are often hidden and often with unanticipated opportunities. 

Like the undaunted young man excited by the pile of horse manure claiming, “There must be a pony around here someplace!” our challenge is always to look for the pony, the opportunity, while handling the turbulence.  Many Small Bites speak to this wisdom.

Turbulence – Emergency Procedures

“Make a commitment that tragedies and disappointments become a source of increased Patience, Strength, & Wisdom.” – Dad

“If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

“In skating over thin ice, our safety is in our speed.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“A crisis is a terrible thing to waste.” – Anonymous

“God sometimes does try to the uttermost those whom he wishes to bless.” – Mohandas Gandhi

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. 

The world as we know it may never be the same. The global economy has slowed, people are living in isolation, and the death toll from an invisible killer is rising exponentially. The coronavirus pandemic has imposed a harsh reality of bereavement, illness, and unemployment. Many people are already facing financial hardship and uncertainty over future job prospects.

Early data suggest that the immediate psychological impact of the pandemic is substantial. There are also more uplifting analyses, however, suggesting the experience may help us change our lifestyles for the better. But are humans even capable of sustainable behavior change?

We know that crises can lead to anger and fear. At a community level, these emotions can descend into acts of scapegoating, stigmatization, and discrimination. Environmental shocks and epidemics may also cause societies to become more “selfish,” electing authoritarian leaders and showing prejudice towards outsiders.

We also know that existing societal inequality, which is a threat to mental health, deepens after tragic events. Any psychological distress tends to be amplified in those who are less fortunate.

To change our behavior for the better, we need to first overcome these challenges and boost well-being. Over the last three years, our group has given much thought to “well-being.” We define this as positive connections to ourselves, communities, and our wider environment.

On a basic level, positive health behaviors are important to achieve individual well-being, such as eating healthily, sleeping well, and exercising. A strong sense of meaning and purpose is especially crucial for overcoming major life events and realizing “post-traumatic growth.” In the words of one of our colleagues—who has overcome multiple sclerosis—we must commit to “positivity, purpose, and practice” during personal crises. This involves moving beyond ourselves and serving something greater.

Positive social ties and communities are therefore essential. Social relationships lay the foundation for personal identity and our sense of connectedness with others. This gives rise to positive emotions in an upward spiral relationship.

Recent research and scholarly work also demonstrate that we have an innate need to be connected with nature and other forms of life to feel good. Individuals who regularly spend time in nature tend to be happier and have a greater sense of meaning in life.

Unfortunately, it is no longer possible to discuss the link between the environment and happiness without considering the major threat that is anthropogenic climate change. This can give rise to the emotion of “solastalgia”—a state of grief, despair and melancholia resulting from negative environmental change.

The commonalities between the coronavirus pandemic and climate change are stark. Both challenges represent “environmental” problems that are socially driven. A major difference, however, is our global responsiveness to one, but not the other.

The abstract nature of climate change, along with the helplessness we feel in relation to it, contribute to our “sitting on our hands and doing nothing.” This phenomenon is known as “Giddens Paradox.” Perhaps the silver lining here is what coronavirus can and should teach us—that a commitment to action leads to change.

Change Is Possible

The Chinese word for “crisis” includes two characters, one for danger and another for opportunity. During the pandemic, many people have been forced to work from home, substantially reducing time spent travelling, as well as air pollution. This may continue, if we see the value in it.

Although not without its challenges, trials of flexible working patterns, such as the four-day working week, also demonstrate an array of benefits to individual well-being.

Coronavirus begs the question: why would we want to fully return to the workaholic status-quo when the end goal can be achieved in a different way, supporting well-being, productivity, and environmental sustainability? Any small positive change helps us to feel further empowered. The pandemic has, after all, taught us that we can get by without shopping excessively and going on long-haul flights for holidays.

There is evidence that we can make behavioral changes following a crisis. We know that some preventive measures, such as respiratory and hand hygiene, can become habitual following a viral pandemic. Research has also shown that residents in New Jersey, US, became more likely to support environmental policies following two devastating hurricanes. Experiences of flooding in the UK have similarly been shown to lead to a willingness to save energy. Meanwhile, bushfires in Australia have boosted green activism.

Maintaining Change

That said, research shows that positive change generally dwindles over time. Ultimately, we prioritize the restoration of societal functions rather than pro-environmental actions. Maintaining any change in behavior is difficult and depends on many factors including motives, habits, resources, self-efficacy, and social influences.

Positive psychological experiences, emotions and a newfound sense of purpose may hold the key to driving non-conscious motives towards environmentally sustainable behaviors. Emerging evidence also suggests that environmental education and nature-based activities can facilitate pro-sociality and community connectedness.

Fortunately, simple interventions such as walking and “mindful learning,” paying attention to the present, have been shown to promote openness towards ideas relating to the overlap between humans and nature. These things can help maintain behavioral changes.

Understanding that our psychological, social, economic, and natural worlds are part of an interconnected system also facilitates an ecological ethic towards protecting and preserving the natural world.

To achieve that, interventions grounded in fostering positivity, kindness, and gratitude could be effective. We know that these things lead to sustainable positive transitions. Meditation focusing on love and kindness also enables positive emotions and a personal sense of community connectedness.

Another intervention that can reduce stress and promote psychological well-being is keeping a journal. This could even boost pro-ecological behavior when completed in nature.

The Government’s Responsibility

Some problems are simply impossible for the individual to fix alone, however—hence Giddens Paradox. Positive change by individuals will likely be temporary or insignificant, if not reinforced by policy or regulation. Organizations, industry, and government have a big responsibility for promoting positive change.

A first step would be to enable the well-being of all citizens by overcoming threats of inequality, xenophobia, and misinformation in the aftermath of the pandemic. If we fail to do this, we will ultimately be neglecting opportunities for positive change and risking the very survival of our species. What we decide to do today and after the current crisis is of paramount importance.

This article is republished from The Conversation under a Creative Commons license. 

I would like to share with you the lessons by a 90-year young man. Feel free to spread this around with your friends and family.

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.
5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for things that matter.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful.  Clutter weighs you down in many ways.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to be happy.  But it’s all up to you and no one else.
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose Life.
28. Forgive but don’t forget.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d
grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.
42. The best is yet to come…
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

To Your Success

Below is a story I wrote some time ago about a personal challenging experience.  Although the specifics of my challenges have no similarities to our current health and economic challenges with CoVid19 I feel that the lessons learned and the message shared have current relevance.  You be the judge…

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Feeling “Closed-in”? No Progress? Can’t Escape?

Personal story: Air Force POW/Survival Training

As an U.S. Air Force pilot in the early ‘70’s, I underwent POW/ Survival training. The training was to teach skills that would allow you to survive in the wilderness with no food, tools, or companions, using only your wits and the resources available in jungle or forest habitat. The training was very rigorous and demanding.

The training was also designed to prepare you for the extreme duress of being a Prisoner of War (POW).

One process used to simulate the isolation and torture that would likely be experienced as a POW was, after much physical and mental harassment, to force and lock you into “pitch black” box about the size of a small dish-washing machine. This was extremely uncomfortable and nearly mentally unbearable.

The time spent “in the box”, although usually less than an hour each time, seemed to last forever, kind of like in life, when you are experiencing a rut, depression, or severe problem with no solution in sight.

The box experience was transforming. For some, it was so horrific that they failed the test and did not complete the training. I even heard comments like, “If being a POW is anything like the training, I’ll never let them take me alive!” For others, the box experience was motivational. Motivating from the point of view that even with the nearly unbearable anguish, we could “come through”, complete the test, and move forward.

The box became a symbol of our inner strength and commitment to do whatever is necessary to survive, to succeed, to care for ourselves, our family, our country. I trust that this was the real intention of the prisoner training exercises.

Many of us who completed the test shared reflections that regardless of the physical and mental suffering we were sustained by knowing that it was a simulation; that the Air Force had just spent a million dollars training us as pilots, and the faith that they were really on our side.

This comforting and sustaining awareness was crucial to survival. And so it is with all of our life experiences. What if you lived your life believing that the Universe is really on your side?

It is my firm belief that we were not given life for ‘no reason’. Not yet knowing the reason is not justification for not embracing the nurture of a sustaining Universe. Treading in the comfort of a purposeful and nurturing Universe gives us strength to move through life’s challenges, and it inspires and stimulates us to move toward greater insight, wisdom, well-being, and contribution.

The magic of life is that these are different for everyone and we get to play in a world of unlimited diversity, beauty, privilege, and opportunity. And it always starts from where we are— now!

So what box are you in? Where do you want to go armed with the knowledge and faith that the Universe will support?

Remember, even with such support, it’s You in the box and it’s You who must do the doing to move through and toward your challenges and contributions.

So our next questions should be, “What do I want to do?” and “What will I do to get there?”

It is my personal belief that the necessary expression of appreciation for the Universe’s support is Action and Service for the benefit of others.

“The only way to experience the richness of life is to live in an Attitude of Gratitude:  to appreciate what you have and what you can give.”

– Anthony Robbins

It is said, “What gets measured gets managed.” For greater personal development, we must create a personal measure and management tool for our intangibles of:

• Gratitude
• Joy
• Peace of Mind
• Physical Health
• Spiritual Peace
• Sense of Contribution
•  

These measures will be highly subjective and very personal. The effort you put into creating your personal benchmark which allows you to calibrate your current state of mind for these intangibles will be greatly rewarded.

Becoming aware of where your mind is ‘staging’ allows you to take control and move up your scale through “acting as if”.

No one can create this Joy, Peace of Mind, or Fulfillment for us. Remember, our first job is to create the mindset and thereby the conditions that allow these to occur. The mindset of Gratitude is a great start.

The author and philosopher, James Allen, advises us to, “Cherish your visions. Cherish your ideals. Cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built.”

Many philosophers have advised that a ‘thankful mind’ is the one that is the most observant and receptive to external support.  Being thankful broadens our focus and illuminates new opportunities.  The mental state of Gratitude allows us to transmit any condition into a higher state.

A ‘Growth’ Task:

Write a letter to a country, a people, race or religion that in the past you have judged negatively.  In this letter, express all your feelings about it.

Remember that your feelings are based on how you have internalized what you have heard, read, or experienced.  They may not be reflections of your ‘Best Self’. Write everything that comes up.  What thoughts and attitudes, if any, serve you?  Which do not?

As individuals, we are not alike.  We have different lifestyles, beliefs and perceptions.  It is my belief that these differences exist only in the physical plane.  At the molecular and spiritual level, we are all one, and are connected with the universal primary source.

When we begin to fully understand this concept of life in Unity, the idea of ​​a personal “I” gives way to the image of a Universal “I”.

The concept of rivalry and competition disappears.  Celebrate your Unity with all life knowing we are all one.  This is the relationship that allows deep love and empathy for everyone who surrounds us.

 “The hurt of any man/woman is the hurt of every man/woman and the benefit of any man/woman is the benefit of all men/woman.” – Robert Grant.