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Apr 18, 2017 - Musings    No Comments

The Daffodil Principle


by Jaroldeen Asplund Edwards

Several times my daughter had telephoned to say, “Mother, you must come and see the daffodils before they are over.” I wanted to go, but it was a two-hour drive from Laguna to Lake Arrowhead. Going and coming took most of a day – and I honestly did not have a free day until the following week.

“I will come next Tuesday,” I promised, a little reluctantly, on her third call. Next Tuesday dawned cold and rainy. Still, I had promised, and so I drove the length of Route 91, continued on I-215, and finally turned onto Route 18 and began to drive up the mountain highway. The tops of the mountains were sheathed in clouds, and I had gone only a few miles when the road was completely covered with a wet, gray blanket of fog. I slowed to a crawl, my heart pounding. The road becomes narrow and winding toward the top of the mountain.

As I executed the hazardous turns at a snail’s pace, I was praying to reach the turnoff at Blue Jay that would signify I had arrived. When I finally walked into Carolyn’s house and hugged and greeted my grandchildren I said, “Forget the daffodils, Carolyn! The road is invisible in the clouds and fog, and there is nothing in the world except you and these darling children that I want to see bad enough to drive another inch!”

My daughter smiled calmly, “We drive in this all the time, Mother.”

“Well, you won’t get me back on the road until it clears – and then I’m heading for home!” I assured her.

“I was hoping you’d take me over to the garage to pick up my car. The mechanic just called, and they’ve finished repairing the engine,” she answered.

“How far will we have to drive?” I asked cautiously.

“Just a few blocks,”Carolyn said cheerfully.

So we buckled up the children and went out to my car. “I’ll drive,” Carolyn offered. “I’m used to this.” We got into the car, and she began driving.

In a few minutes I was aware that we were back on the Rim-of-the-World Road heading over the top of the mountain. “Where are we going?” I exclaimed, distressed to be back on the mountain road in the fog. “This isn’t the way to the garage!”

“We’re going to my garage the long way,” Carolyn smiled, “by way of the daffodils.”

“Carolyn, I said sternly, trying to sound as if I was still the mother and in charge of the situation, “please turn around. There is nothing in the world that I want to see enough to drive on this road in this weather.”

“It’s all right, Mother,” She replied with a knowing grin. “I know what I’m doing. I promise, you will never forgive yourself if you miss this experience.”

And so my sweet, darling daughter who had never given me a minute of difficulty in her whole life was suddenly in charge – and she was kidnapping me! I couldn’t believe it. Like it or not, I was on the way to see some ridiculous daffodils – driving through the thick, gray silence of the mist-wrapped mountaintop at what I thought was risk to life and limb.

I muttered all the way. After about twenty minutes we turned onto a small gravel road that branched down into an oak-filled hollow on the side of the mountain. The fog had lifted a little, but the sky was lowering, gray and heavy with clouds.

We parked in a small parking lot adjoining a little stone church. From our vantage point at the top of the mountain we could see beyond us, in the mist, the crests of the San Bernardino range like the dark, humped backs of a herd of elephants. Far below us the fog-shrouded valleys, hills, and flatlands stretched away to the desert.

On the far side of the church I saw a pine-needle-covered path, with towering evergreens and manzanita bushes and an inconspicuous, lettered sign “Daffodil Garden.”

We each took a child’s hand, and I followed Carolyn down the path as it wound through the trees. The mountain sloped away from the side of the path in irregular dips, folds, and valleys, like a deeply creased skirt.

Live oaks, mountain laurel, shrubs, and bushes clustered in the folds, and in the gray, drizzling air, the green foliage looked dark and monochromatic. I shivered. Then we turned a corner of the path, and I looked up and gasped. Before me lay the most glorious sight, unexpectedly and completely splendid. It looked as though someone had taken a great vat of gold and poured it down over the mountain peak and slopes where it had run into every crevice and over every rise. Even in the mist-filled air, the mountainside was radiant, clothed in massive drifts and waterfalls of daffodils. The flowers were planted in majestic, swirling patterns, great ribbons and swaths of deep orange, white, lemon yellow, salmon pink, saffron, and butter yellow.

Each different-colored variety (I learned later that there were more than thirty-five varieties of daffodils in the vast display) was planted as a group so that it swirled and flowed like its own river with its own unique hue.

In the center of this incredible and dazzling display of gold, a great cascade of purple grape hyacinth flowed down like a waterfall of blossoms framed in its own rock-lined basin, weaving through the brilliant daffodils. A charming path wound throughout the garden. There were several resting stations, paved with stone and furnished with Victorian wooden benches and great tubs of coral and carmine tulips. As though this were not magnificent enough, Mother Nature had to add her own grace note – above the daffodils, a bevy of western bluebirds flitted and darted, flashing their brilliance. These charming little birds are the color of sapphires with breasts of magenta red. As they dance in the air, their colors are truly like jewels above the blowing, glowing daffodils. The effect was spectacular.

It did not matter that the sun was not shining. The brilliance of the daffodils was like the glow of the brightest sunlit day. Words, wonderful as they are, simply cannot describe the incredible beauty of that flower-bedecked mountain top.

Five acres of flowers! (This too I discovered later when some of my questions were answered.) “But who has done this?” I asked Carolyn. I was overflowing with gratitude that she brought me – even against my will. This was a once-in-a-lifetime experience.

“Who?” I asked again, almost speechless with wonder, “And how, and why, and when?”

“It’s just one woman,” Carolyn answered. “She lives on the property. That’s her home.” Carolyn pointed to a well-kept A-frame house that looked small and modest in the midst of all that glory.

We walked up to the house, my mind buzzing with questions. On the patio we saw a poster. “Answers to the Questions I Know You Are Asking” was the headline. The first answer was a simple one. “50,000 bulbs,” it read. The second answer was, “One at a time, by one woman, two hands, two feet, and very little brain.” The third answer was, “Began in 1958.”

There it was. The Daffodil Principle.

For me that moment was a life-changing experience. I thought of this woman whom I had never met, who, more than thirty-five years before, had begun – one bulb at a time – to bring her vision of beauty and joy to an obscure mountain top. One bulb at a time.

There was no other way to do it. One bulb at a time. No shortcuts – simply loving the slow process of planting. Loving the work as it unfolded.

Loving an achievement that grew so slowly and that bloomed for only three weeks of each year. Still, just planting one bulb at a time, year after year, had changed the world.

This unknown woman had forever changed the world in which she lived. She had created something of ineffable magnificence, beauty, and inspiration.

The principle her daffodil garden taught is one of the greatest principle of celebration: learning to move toward our goals and desires one step at a time – often just one baby-step at a time – learning to love the doing, learning to use the accumulation of time.

When we multiply tiny pieces of time with small increments of daily effort, we too will find we can accomplish magnificent things. We can change the world.

“Carolyn,” I said that morning on the top of the mountain as we left the haven of daffodils, our minds and hearts still bathed and bemused by the splendors we had seen, “it’s as though that remarkable woman has needle-pointed the earth! Decorated it. Just think of it, she planted every single bulb for more than thirty years. One bulb at a time! And that’s the only way this garden could be created. Every individual bulb had to be planted. There was no way of short-circuiting that process. Five acres of blooms. That magnificent cascade of hyacinth! All, just one bulb at a time.”

The thought of it filled my mind. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the implications of what I had seen. “It makes me sad in a way,” I admitted to Carolyn. “What might I have accomplished if I had thought of a wonderful goal thirty-five years ago and had worked away at it ‘one bulb at a time’ through all those years. Just think what I might have been able to achieve!”

My wise daughter put the car into gear and summed up the message of the day in her direct way. “Start tomorrow,” she said with the same knowing smile she had worn for most of the morning. Oh, profound wisdom!

It is pointless to think of the lost hours of yesterdays. The way to make learning a lesson a celebration instead of a cause for regret is to only ask, “How can I put this to use tomorrow?”

 

Apr 8, 2017 - Musings    No Comments

A Mind on Fire

Poem by Aarish Shah
 
My mind’s blazing
With all the possibilities,
Feels amazing
Like there’s some kind of unstoppability,
And momentum’s building
Like all the blanks got filled in,
Now I see the picture completed
And see all my demons defeated
Rose to the challenge and completed this feat. It
Seemed like the world was spinning too fast
Like the world was pinning me to some dark past,
But the dark passed
No longer this outcast
I’m planning to outlast
So naysayers get out fast
Taken my soul to the peak
And all these rhymes that I speak
Are birthed from a mind that’s on fire
A mind that aims higher
A mind that won’t tire
Of spitting knowledge and truth
You want to test this? Here’s your proof…
Oct 29, 2016 - Musings    No Comments

(Im)Perfect Day

perfect-day

Rolf Magener sent me this bit of wisdom and inspiration that I am pleased to share with you.

rolf@mindsetresetprocess.com rolf@magener.com

******

A friend recently sent me this poem written by an 11th grader at an all-girls’ high school in Brooklyn, NY, that made me rethink the way I look at my days:

“Worst Day Ever?” by Chanie Gorkin

Today was the absolute worst day ever

And don’t try to convince me that

There’s something good in every day

Because, when you take a closer look,

This world is a pretty evil place.

Even if

Some goodness does shine through once in a while

Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.

And it’s not true that It’s all in the mind and heart

Because True happiness can be obtained

Only if one’s surroundings are good It’s not true that good exists I’m sure you can agree that

The reality Creates

My attitude It’s all beyond my control

And you’ll never in a million years hear me say that

Today was a perfect day

 

You may think that Chanie has it all wrong . . .

But not everything is as it seems . . .

Sometimes we don’t see everything as it really is, because we are looking at it the wrong way around.

Now read the same poem from the bottom up . . .

 

Today was a perfect day

And you’ll never in a million years hear me say that It’s all beyond my control

My attitude Creates

The reality I’m sure you can agree that It’s not true that good exists

Only if one’s surroundings are good

True happiness can be obtained

Because, when you take a closer look,

It’s all in the mind and heart

And it’s not true that

Satisfaction and happiness don’t last.

Some goodness does shine through once in a while

Even if

This world is a pretty evil place.

Because, when you take a closer look,

There’s something good in every day

And don’t try to convince me that

Today was the absolute worst day ever.

 

Quite a different poem, right?

A small change in how we look at things can make all the difference . . .

So, I have a quick question for you: do you need to start looking at your days in a different way? Do you need to make some small changes to your days so that they end up being perfect? What would your perfect day be, your ideal day?

What kind of day would you wish for, so that when you go to bed that night, you will think it was the most incredible day?

There’s a simple trick and tool to make sure you get more of these days:

I wonder what's over there? copy

You have to aim and intend to have a perfect day. 

The easiest way to do this is to get clear about what your great day would be and write down what your perfect day would look like!

If you really thought about your perfect day, I’ll bet you didn’t say, “Well, I roll out of bed, grab my iPhone, and check my email.” That’s not an ideal day . . . but is it what you do every morning? Write down who you would be on your ideal day. Write down how you want to feel. Write down things that would make your day great.

Write down things that would make you happy. Write down how you’d treat your wife, your partner, or your kids.

You have to own your morning to make sure that you’re proactive with that day. You need to ask: “What do I want this day to be about? What do I want to achieve, in order to create and experience this day? What kind of character do I want to cultivate? What do I want to learn today and give today, and how do I want to grow today?

You don’t need to write down a great big shopping list of things that would make your day perfect. Every morning, pick two or three, and write them down in a journal or on a piece of paper. Then, in the evening before you go to bed, review your day, and write down three magical things that happened that day.

We can choose to wake up every single day and live that day for ourselves in an idealistic way. We will show up as who we want to be. We will do things that enliven us and engage us and get us excited. We will choose to be with people who make us feel alive and fulfilled. We will create experiences that give our lives meaning and purpose.

Try this for a week . . . and see what happens.

With that intention and aim, you will start to experience more and more ideal days. As more of these great days accumulate, your character develops force and momentum. And suddenly you wake up one morning, look around, and have a sense of aliveness and joy about that day. Then, when you look back at the week, you realize, “That was an amazing week, an amazing month, an amazing year, an amazing decade . . . that was an amazing life.” You deserve that.

To your success – Rolf

Sep 1, 2016 - Musings    No Comments

When Breath Becomes Air

“There is a moment, a cusp, when the sum of gathered experience is worn down by the details of living. We are never so wise as when we live in this moment.” – Paul Kalanithi

Kalanithi

I just finished reading Paul Kalanithi’s ‘When Breath Becomes Air’. This autobiography chronicles the passage of a 35 year-old brilliant neurosurgeon from Stanford who transcends purposefully through debilitating cancer to death in less than two years. The book was started after the discovery of his pending death.

When Breath

 

He recalled with eloquence and earned insights the interest and life discoveries of his youth, his moving through medical school, and residency to moving from disappointment and despair to purposeful marching toward certain early death through living with purpose. Kalanithi asked himself, “At these critical junctures, the question is not simply to live or die but what kind of life is worth living?”

His story moved me greatly. His gifts were extraordinary – his personal brilliance and his contributions to save and comfort others – his published book continues to do both.

I am struck by my need/desire to live a life that serves my yearning to understand, to fulfill a (my) destiny and to effectively deliver a message promoting personal growth, responsibility, and contribution. I am fully aware that this starts and finishes with me demonstrating all. More writing. More discipline – more capturing of insights – probing and expanding them wisely to yield practical guidance and application. This feels like a sacred honor and privilege. I will energize myself with the fuel of appreciation for the possibility of learning more, being more, giving more. “When I can’t. I will!”

 

Aug 28, 2016 - Musings    No Comments

S = PG + PC

I have been an Athlete, a Warrior, and a Businessman. I have had Success and Setbacks in all of them. Generally I have learned more from my setbacks than my successes – and I’d like to share some of what I’ve learned.

My Formula for Success is PG + PC, where PG = Personal Growth and PC = Personal Contribution. My aim is to deliver information and insights to assist you with your PG and PC.

This relates to another role I have had success in and greatly enjoyed. That is as a Coach – on the Athletic Field, in the classroom, and in the Boardroom. I love being called, ‘Coach Jim’. Often the persons I coached were more talented than me – yet I had great success in coaching them to higher levels of achievement.

One of my greatest privileges and pleasures has been coaching kids’ sports, especially baseball. I love baseball, the thrill and challenge of the play. As a coach, I appreciate the value of practice and play in learning life lessons that transcend the athletic field: Discipline, Leadership, Teamwork, Commitment, Perseverance, and Resilience.

I coached youth baseball from Kindergarten T-Ball to high school seniors. My favorite age is Little Leaguers, aged 8 to 12. Kids of this age have begun to develop some skills, have some respect for authority, and are very coachable as they are still fascinated by life and their own possibilities.Braves copy

On my teams we emphasized the responsibility and required discipline to practice 3 Magic Words:

Hustle (use deliberate speed at all times)

Back-up (support your appropriate teammate on every play)

N’Gup (Never Give up! – regardless of score)

Effective coaching, as well as parenting and management, improves skills and attitudes that develop personal confidence for improved performance.

I’d like to relate a personal story that, for me, is symbolic of successful coaching.

For my Little League teams I always had my players select nicknames like Tiger, Eagle, Rock, Batman, Radar. Our nicknames differentiated us from all other teams and instilled a sense of team spirit and pride.

Some years ago there was an 11 year-old Israeli boy on my team. He chose the nickname ‘Thunder’. Thunder was small for his age and coming from Israel had never played baseball. He worked to improve his skills and was committed to practicing our three Magic Words in practice and games.

IDFA year after playing on this team the young Israeli boy moved with his family back to Israel. Like most young people in Israel at age 18 he was conscripted into the Israeli Defense Forces (IDF).

Several years later he re-connected with my son, Gary, a friend and teammate on that Little League baseball team. They shared stories about their separate experiences from age 12 to their meet-up at 23. The young Israeli man having completed his IDF commitment told Gary about initially being afraid when he went on military patrol in potentially dangerous areas of Palestine. He then shared how he remembered, as he pounded his chest, that he was ‘Thunder!’ He remembered the ‘Three Magic Words’ and embraced the personal discipline and self-confidence that he had practiced as a young baseball player. He discharged his assigned duties with courage, responsibility, teamwork, and honor.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is IDF2-copy.pngInitially when Gary re-told me this story I felt very proud that my coaching influence had assisted Thunder to ignite courage and self-confidence when required. From a wiser perspective, I am inspired knowing that the key was that a young boy took a boyhood experience, gave it importance, and stowed it as a tool to be used when needed.

This is a wise practice for all of us.

We have the choice to make the learning and energy-memory of any experience, any success, and any setback into a powerful tool – a source of energy, courage, discipline, and grit to support us. In fact, our experiences are only useful when cultivated for the supportive lessons and charged with meaning – to be accessed and re-ignited whenever we need. As a coach it is my experience that this is the path to S = PG + PC.

Successful people 3 copy

What experiences can you re-imagine and imbue with supportive powers to be ignited when discipline, responsibility, and courage are required?

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