Life in Small Bites

Courage is an essential ingredient in Success and personal development. The absence of courage results in many missed opportunities and too many painful ones.  Although courage can be learned, it is not learned from another.  It is something you discover from within yourself.  Discovering for oneself what is needed or wanted is the first and most important step. It is more important than working to avoid the feeling of possible failure.

Courage refrains from taking foolish risks with safety or resources.  Courage is not jumping without looking.  A pilot’s adage is,

“There are old pilots and there are bold pilots but there are no old bold pilots.”

Real boldness and courage require careful analysis of the situation, reviewing your options, and selecting those that serve you best.  Goethe preached,

“Boldness has Genius, Power, and Magic in it.”

Courage often requires corralling one’s inner demons and initially pretending that you are courageous.  Like any skill, courage gets better with practice.  Your courage muscles get pumped up by exercising them.

Courage is an attitude.  Select your attitudes and relationships that serve you best.  Pick those that you hang with carefully.  It has be said that,

“If you always live with those that are lame, you yourself will learn to limp.   Conversely, if you are soaring with the eagles you probably won’t learn to quack.”

Your Tailwind

“Fear has its use but cowardice has none.” – Mohandas Gandhi

“Courage and Success are not fostered from “Winning” – they are nurtured through the willful acts of “showing-up” and playing with passion.” – Dad

“Importantly, in every game, including the “Game of Life”, you’ve got to let your mistakes GO. You’ve got to keep your head up and try, try again… and again…and again.” – Dad

The following comments are from my book Small Bites. From my analogies using airplane pilot terms it is co-titled “Final Approach”

Wise counselors advise, “What gets measured gets managed.” For greater personal development, we must create personal measure and management tools for our intangibles of:

• Gratitude
• Joy
• Peace of Mind
• Physical Health
• Spiritual Peace
• Sense of Contribution

These measures will be highly subjective and very personal. The effort you put into creating a personal benchmark which allows you to calibrate your current state of mind for these intangibles will be greatly rewarded.

Becoming aware of where your mind is staging allows you to take control and move up your scale through “acting (doing) as if”.

No one can create this joy, peace of mind, or fulfillment for us. Remember, our first job is to create the mindset and thereby the conditions that allow these to occur. The mindset of Gratitude is a great start.

The author and philosopher, James Allen, advises us to, “Cherish your visions. Cherish your ideals. Cherish the music that stirs in your heart, the beauty that forms in your mind, the loveliness that drapes your purest thoughts, for out of them will grow all delightful conditions, all heavenly environment; of these, if you but remain true to them, your world will at last be built.”

Many philosophers have advised that a thankful mind is the one that is the most observant and receptive to external support.  Being thankful broadens our focus and illuminates new opportunities.  The mental state of gratitude allows us to transmit any condition into a higher state.

Your Final Approach

“The only way to experience the richness of life is to live in an ‘attitude of Gratitude’ – to appreciate what you have and what you can give.” – Anthony Robbins

“Gratitude isn’t a debt to be paid but a key to a treasure chest filled with the fullness of life.” – Michael Josephson

Below is a personal experience that I frequently ‘re-visit’ to remind me W.I.N. (What’s Important Now!). I work to continually remind myself that ‘not acting on what I claim to know is really not knowing’.

I was a college freshman sitting in a barber’s chair with an unsightly and irritating case of facial razor burn.  The barber asked, “Why do you shave so close?” I replied, “I want a very smooth face.”

The wise barber counseled, “Don’t you realize that no matter how closely you shave today, tomorrow you are going to have to do it again?”

That day was my last case of razor burn.  The larger lesson was not wasted either.  The greatest lesson arrived when I contemplated the corollary of his advice, “What are some issues that need to be done well because you may not return to them timely, or ever?”

I made a listing:

• First meetings
• Table manners
• Term papers / Exams
• Timely ‘Thank You’s’
• Timely sincere acknowledgements

Since then I have added to my list:

• Monthly business reports
• Public statements, especially issued during times of crisis
• Press interviews   
• Crisis decisions      
• Leadership meetings
• Any decision affecting the well-being of another
• Farewells    
• Termination interviews

What would you add?

Many from my list are related to engagement with others.  This is a useful alert.  Being alert is to be Conscious, Present, and Attentive while engaging with others are key skills of effective Responsible Leadership.

Before a fighter pilot climbs into his aircraft he dons his Fast Pants. These pants (anti-G suit) fitted with air bladders automatically inflate when high G-forces are experienced. The inflated bladders prevent blood from pooling in the lower body and depriving the brain of oxygen-rich blood to help prevent loss of sight and consciousness.

I suggest that Responsible Leaders intentionally don virtual fast pants when they enter a crisis to help them see clearly, avoid tunnel vision, and remain conscious of what’s needed, and what’s not.

What’s important, and what’s not?

The first leg of my virtual fast pants requires me to answer the following questions:

• −  Who should I collaborate with?
• −  What are the 2 to 3 most important issues to resolve in this situation?
• −  What are the most appropriate, timely, and available resources that apply to resolutions? Pulling on the second leg I ask:

1. What are the action priorities?
2. What should I do Now?

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My memory aid to remind me of these processes:

– Collaborate C – Issues I – Resources R – Priority P – Action A

Collaboratively work Issues with Resources Prioritized for Action

“The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the quality of your relationships.” – Anthony Robbins

“If you associate with turkeys you will never fly with eagles.” – Brian Tracy

One of my mentors has continually reinforced the principle that it doesn’t matter where you go in life, what you do…it’s who you have beside you.  Most times we don’t choose our family, yet these persons, who care most for us, usually provide the experiential laboratory for what works and what doesn’t in human relationships.  Nurturing and supporting these relationships are key components to our sense of responsibility and service.

We do have choice in choosing our friends.  Making good choices is one of the most important things we can do. The choices we make and how we cultivate and care for these relationships largely determine the success and joy that we experience. 

As stated previously, “If you always live with those that are lame, you yourself will learn to limp.”  Conversely if you surround yourself with persons of integrity, industry, and compassion you will most likely become an active member of a powerful and successful group.

Operating Philosophy

My operating philosophy is to practice “Clear-eyed Optimism”.  I believe that most people are good.  I believe that the overall impact of this philosophy promotes greater opportunities for joy and perceived Universal support.

The few times when I lapsed into an unenlightened and shallow version of this belief, I allowed a person to undermine my success and cause me grief.  The grief would likely have been greatly mitigated had I illuminated the relationship by closer observation of the other’s needs and more clearly sussed out their intentions.  

The French scientist and philosopher, Blaise Pascal, cautions, “The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.”

My experience has taught me that everyone primarily sees facts from their own perceived best interest, often narrowly defined.  This is not to suggest that being a cynic is preferable, but that “clear-seeing”, allowing that everyone does not share the full “do unto others” operating philosophy requires my full attention.  I must be alert not to confuse personality and charisma with enlightened mutual or public interest.  The caution, “Don’t do business with strangers” applies to all of our relationships, even relatives.

While a full vetting of a stranger’s intentions is usually not possible, I’ve found that an optimistic “eyes-wide-open” approach is most revealing.  Detecting attempts at duplicity or manipulation is easier when I have invited a person into relationship.  A “clear-eyed” relationship, whether with stranger, friend, or family, always starts and ends with effective communication.

Have you ever encountered a person who is so wrapped up in their own thoughts and interests that they allow no time for yours?   

Sometime ago I met a person who was quite accomplished, and very full of themselves.  He went on and on describing in detail his thoughts and feelings, not stopping to consider mine.  When he finally did, his questions took the form of, “Enough about me.  Tell me about you.  What do you think about me?”

What would your experience in this communication cycle be?  Aren’t they still a stranger with unvetted intentions if there is no two-way dialogue?  How eager are you to continue the one-way conversation?  How eager are you to enter into a business or other relationship?

Stephen Covey’s Habit # 5, his principle for empathetic communication from his wonderful book The 7 habits of Highly Effective People, is, Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood.  Simply: don’t prescribe without diagnosis.  Covey further counsels, Unless you’re influenced by my uniqueness, I am not going to be influenced by your advice.

My personal formula for Effective Communication and Relationships is: 

A  R  A  C

– A  =  Acknowledgement

– R  =  Respect

– A  =  Appreciation

– C  =  Consideration

– Always start with properly Acknowledging a person’s presence.  This immediately opens the door for exchange. 

– The default position of a new relationship is Respect.  Although trust must be earned, initial respect should be granted.

– Genuine Appreciation for another’s presence and gifts, real and potential, is a blessing to the receiver, and the giver.

– Consideration is an external expression of A,  R, A.  It can be a physical exchange, an appropriate courtesy, a timely follow-up, being a thoughtful listener, or as an earnest deliberator.

My formula is practiced with attempt to first focus on the other’s perspective, but with “eyes-wide-open”.  My goal is to establish a mutually beneficial relationship based on mutual respect and appreciation.  This must become innate for effective Responsible Leadership.

Try this formula first with your family.  They may not be the easiest communication partners, but the rewards are the greatest.

“In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” – Albert Schweitzer