Life in Small Bites

In his 1989 book On Becoming a Leader, Warren Bennis composed a concise list of the differences:

1. The manager administers; the leader innovates.
2. The manager is a copy; the leader is an original.
3. The manager maintains; the leader develops.
4. The manager focuses on systems and structure; the leader focuses on people.
5. The manager relies on control; the leader inspires trust.
6. The manager has a short-range view; the leader has a long-range perspective.
7. The manager asks how and when; the leader asks what and why.
8. The manager has his or her eye always on the bottom line; the leader’s eye is on the horizon.
9. The manager imitates; the leader originates.
10. The manager accepts the status quo; the leader challenges it.
11. The manager is the classic good soldier; the leader is his or her own person.
12. The manager does things right; the leader does the right thing.

Floating lazily on my back in the Andaman Sea, I was drifting in and out of a pre-planned reverie.  Three weeks earlier my son, Gary, had been born.  He was healthy and beautiful.

The many weeks before had been less so.  The doctors had advised that the baby was in a breech position and a cesarean delivery was recommended and scheduled.

On week before the scheduled surgery, Gary had flipped inside and a normal birth was now possible. With labor pains commencing, my wife, Marlena, was taken to the hospital.  While monitoring Marlena’s labor, it became evident that the baby was under stress as his heart rate had become irregular.  The doctor, fearing that the umbilical cord had become wrapped around Gary’s neck, decided to perform an immediate cesarean.  The doctor’s assessment and decision were correct – indeed the cord had wrapped dangerously around Gary’s neck.

In addition to the normal stresses preceding the birth of a child, my work and travel schedule had also sponsored mounting stresses.  With Gary and Marlena healthy and safe, three weeks later I headed to the island of Phuket for a three-day respite.

Back to the Andaman:  My floating reverie collapsed quickly when I opened my eyes to discover that a rip-tide had swept me hundreds of yard from shore.  Never a strong swimmer, I attempted to swallow my panic and swim toward land.  Not to be!

The more I thrashed the farther I was carried out to sea.  I could barely spot a few people on the beach.  My yells for help were unnoticed and unattended.  Panic began to take control.

My total thoughts were about my new son and how thoughtless and careless I had been to deprive him of my fathering  – and me of his loving companionship.  From a deep recess a memory emerged.

I recalled reading that you cannot ‘swim against the tide’.  To overcome the pull of the tide required swimming at an angle with it, hoping to swim out of its grip.

My thoughts exploded in expletives, “Damn!  If this life experience is going to end here it is going to watch me swimming – and swimming!”  Silently, but vehemently, I shouted down my panic and replaced it with the resolve that my life and Gary’s, and all my ‘loved ones’, were worth ‘one more stroke’!  My physical and mental strength became irrelevant – as did Time.  My total focus was ‘one more stroke’!  No enlightenment or ‘open heavens’ embraced me.  I swam and I swam, and I swam – ‘one stroke at a time’.

A million years later I sensed that the current no longer commanded me.  I turned toward shore, now a couple of miles distant, and continued one stroke at a time.

Stroke by stroke I inched closer to shore. I swam promising to re-unite with my ‘loved ones’.  The water warmed as it shallowed.  When I finally stood trembling, staggering to the beach I saw children and parents frolicking – all having no awareness of my travail.

As I collapsed on the bed of the rented island cottage several thoughts flooded my mind:

1. Sometimes we seem to be truly alone.
2. Yet, we have inner strengths – unknown to us.
3. The power of Love is a doorway.
4. As I create my life great opportunities and contributions are possible when I willfully demand access to these strengths.
5. Requested strength may not rush forward.  It may only appear when decisively acting ‘one stroke at a time’.
6. My life experience is blessed – it is my challenge to share my strengths for the benefit of others.

This story could have been positioned in my book chapters on Adversity, Courage, Success, or even Responsibility.  I chose Service because the lesson for me is, “I am strengthened when working for the benefit of my ‘loved-ones’ and others.

Although not always living-up to my own expectations, my life mantra continues to be, “Serving self is in serving others – one stroke at a time.”

*****

“The service we render to others is really the rent we pay for our room on this earth. It is obvious that man is himself a traveler; that the purpose of this world is not ‘to have and to hold’ but ‘to give and serve.’ There can be no other meaning.”  –  Sir Wilfred Grenfell

by Deanna Romano; Mind Valley; 24 Oct 2012

What were your school years like? Like many, they may have been years filled with math, English and science classes, combined with insecurities, bad skin and intense friendships bound by your deepest secrets that were shared at slumber parties or in the locker room.

While I don’t regret anything I’ve done anything in my life (as I believe that even some of my worst decisions led me to where I am today).

However, if I had to a write a list of life lessons to add to my 15-year-old self’s class timetable now, these would be them:

1. Not everyone in life will like you – no matter what you do or what you look like. And the reverse side of this is, you won’t always like everyone (and sometimes you can’t even pinpoint why). All you can do is treat everyone with kindness and be yourself. If this isn’t enough, they’re not worth your time. This equally applies to friendships and dating!

2. Be your own best friend – this follows on from my above point, looking for other people’s continuous approval will lead you down a lonely path (particularly if you’re looking for it from the wrong kind of people). Be kind to yourself and focus on what your greatest strengths are. No one is perfect, so don’t waste time wishing you were. Where there is room for improvement, do what you can and listen to your inner voice.

3. Don’t beat yourself up – things will go wrong from time-to-time, it’s what makes us human. The best thing to do is dust yourself off and try again. Of course if you keep making the same mistakes, it might be time to change tactics, although sometimes our mistakes turn out to be the biggest blessings in disguise and take us down a greater path.

4. Set goals and write them down. When your head is swarming with a list of everyday tasks, the bigger picture and less urgent goals can get pushed until tomorrow. And then the week after, and then maybe the year after that. Writing them down not only gives you a sense of purpose, it helps you realize what’s a priority in your life. Stick your goals up somewhere you can see them, so when you feel yourself going off track, they’ll act as gentle reminder.

 5. You can be whatever you want…within reason. This statement “you can be whatever you want” is one I’ve always been a little skeptical about. Can I really be the next Beyonce when I really can’t sing? The truth is, not matter how hard I try, probably not. But I can find what I am really good at, or something that I am incredibly passionate about, then shoot for the stars and make it happen.

6. You’re the only thing standing between a good and a bad day. It’s raining and grey outside and you’re running late for what’s set to be a tough day, however you have a choice at this moment to stay calm and make the most out of the day, or let any obstacle control your mood. Sure, things will sometimes come up that will lead you wishing you never got out of bed, however most of the time, we really can shape our reality.

7. Don’t compare yourself to others. There will always be people who are better at something or have more than you do. Whether they’re more attractive or smarter than you, or have the financial freedom to live a more luxurious life. Yes, it would be amazing if we could live the “dream life” we have conjured up in our heads, however the life you’re living is the one that you have. So make the most of it and follow the kind of dreams that will bring you happiness.

 8. 80% of what you fear will never happen. I’ve heard this statistic a lot over the years, and now that I’m 31 (gulp), it certainly feels this way. Knowing it doesn’t always take the worry away, but it can put things into perspective when your mind is going into overdrive with fears of “what if.” Most of the time the worst-case scenario doesn’t eventuate, so rather than preparing yourself for that, plan for the best outcome. Seeing a situation in a risky state gives you the chance to see what you really want and what your next course of action should be.

Customer Reviews

5.0 out of 5 stars Living with small bites October 15, 2012

By John Salve

Format:Kindle Edition

An incredibly thoughtful and eclectic mix of sayings, life lessons and reflections. Jim Yarbrough has obviously taken his time with this book as the collection of his snippets comes at the reader from past sages, world leaders, comedians and religions.

Additionally, its an easy read as the wisdom has been organized in themes: Leadership & Management, Genereal Wisdom, Attitude, Spirit, Courage and a multitude of others. its a great book to keep at your bedside or office and skim through when you need inspiration.

Highly recommend the book!

5.0 out of 5 stars Beyond Impressive, A Corner Stone” book! October 15, 2012

By Dennis Waller

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

I picked up this book in hope that I would discover some new quotes or insights that I could use. The more I got into the book, the more I realized that James Yarbrough has put into this book his heart and soul along with a lifetime of wisdom. This has to be, in my humble opinion, one of the greatest compilations of aphorisms and wisdom I have ever seen.

Yarbrough has combed through every school of thought that I know of and even a few I had never heard of or seen before. His ability to see the innerconnectiveness of all these different perspectives is beyond impressive. To know that in this day and age, there is someone with this gift of seeing pass the veil in order to bring together such a massive, {yes, massive, this book comes in at over 340 pages}, book is reassuring that humanity might survive. This is one of those books that will be paying dividends for years to come, it is simply amazing.

Another impressive feature of the book is at the end, there is a chapter of the hyperlinks to all the Authors quoted within the book. That in itself is a major undertaking. This within itself is worth the price of the book!

While reading this book, you’ll soon realize that Yarbrough isn’t about trying making a buck, no, rather, he is about truly wanting to share his knowledge and help other people. Along with all the quotes, there are his stories that shed light into his personal life. My favorite is his experience with the Air Force during the POW/Survival training. I don’t think I could stand up to the torture that he was faced with in his training. As you read, you begin to know the person that is James Yarbrough. By the end of the book, he is one of those people you wished you had as a friend. I would like to see him come out with a book with just his thoughts, I know with his depth of knowledge, it would be a great read,{hint}

To share into his insight, I was impress when he quoted from Boris Pasternak, if you know who Boris is, then you are very well-read. While all the masters are there, such as, Buddha, Confucius, Epictetus, along with Thoreau, Emerson, and Rudyard Kipling he also has Eliza Dushku and Flip Wilson. Now anyone who can tie together Boris, Eliza, Flip and Theodore Roosevelt as got to be deep. I would like to know who would he invite to the ultimate dinner party, whoever it would be, it would be a blast.

My favorite quote from the book? Well, with so many to choose from, it would be from George Carlin, “I would rather live my life as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn’t than live life as if there isn’t and die to find out there is.” My second? Let’s give that one to Eliza, “Go Big or go home” That could be the motto for Yarbrough with this book, he definitely went big and I am happy that he did.

I believe I have found a book that if I could only save 5 books in the world, this just might be one of them. Yes, this really is a “Corner Stone” book. This book is so deep, you could spend a lifetime discovering something new every day. Thanks James Yarbrough for one treasure grove of a book.

5.0 out of 5 stars Wisdom lessons from a retired US Air Force pilot. October 14, 2012

By Oleg Medvedkov

Format:Kindle Edition|Amazon Verified Purchase

Throughout the ages most of the motivational literature was about that – motivating people to pursue their dreams and hopes through cold logic of action.

The author is an experienced Air Force pilot and a father. This explains the names of the chapters and categorization of the quotes – they are a look inside of a mind of a disciplined and determined individual and his life experiences. His life philosophy, if you will, that he wishes to leave to his children as his gift.

This book is collection of ‘small bites’. ‘Small bites’ are aphorisms and morsels of wisdom that author found indispensable in his life. These ‘small bites’ of wisdom are collected in an actionable framework. Big emphasis on “Actionable.” Author does not care for ‘fluff’ and prefers to focus on the actionable core principals. To quote, ‘Take action to insure that Not Nows do not become Never Will’s’.

Most of self-development literature that I’ve read over the years was written by civilians. Teachers, businessmen, psychologists, etc. While I found many of these books very interesting and illuminating, I was fascinated to read a motivational book written by military professional, for as we all know, serving in the military is one of the most challenging things that anybody can do.

While book includes many quotations of famous people, that were re-known for a clever turn of phrase, I found most touching aphorisms of author’s father, who was an US Army Officer. Simple and unadorned in their style, they were profound and somehow comforting to read. Something tells me that author, Mr. Yarbrough, Jr. payed most heed to simple dictums that his father taught him.

Recommended.

A dragon was threatening the survival of humanity, withholding the water that fell to the earth. Indra, a powerful god, killed the dragon with a bolt of lightning and saved the world. After having carried out this glorious deed, he felt very special and summoned Visvakarman, the god of arts and crafts, ordering him to build a palace of unrivaled splendor that would be worthy of himself, the king of the gods. Within a year, the great architect had managed to construct a beautiful big palace, with wonderful gardens, crystal clear lakes, orchards and forests, but Indra always asked for more, however, and every time the work was just about finished, he would come up with some new demands.

Very tired, Visvakarman went to Brahman to complain, who then took the complaint to the highest level and spoke to Vishnu.

The following morning, a blue boy appeared at the doors of the palace asking to speak to Indra. The guards could see that he was special, and took him to the royal presence.

Walking into the courtroom, he addressed Indra. “Great king, I see that your beautiful palace is still not finished. How many years do you think it will take to be completed?”

The great Indra laughed. Drunk on his own glory, he rather fancied the young boy’s pretension in wanting to know something he did not know.

“Even I do not know this,” he answered.

“No Indra that came before you ever managed to finish such a majestic palace.”

“There were Indras that came before me? There were others?”

“Many. An infinity of them, in fact.”

Indra was perplexed. “How many Indras have already existed?”

“The life of an Indra lasts 71 eons, and when 28 Indras have died, one day and one night will have passed for Brahman. The Brahmans die too and are followed by others. As well as this, earth is one amongst many others that exist in our universe, and there are many universes too. It is easier to count all of the grains of sand on all the beaches of the universe that to count the number of Indras that already came before you.”

At this moment, a long procession of ants many yards long came into the room in rows of four, marching like a military parade. The boy started to laugh. Curious, Indra asked, what was so funny.

“Look, great king. Each of these was already an Indra. They became so proud of what they had achieved that, after many incarnations, they came back to earth transformed into ants.”

The great Indra understood the lesson. He called Visvakarman immediately and called off the construction, moving on to dedicate himself diligently to his own spiritual development.

This story is being retold by Roberto Lima Netto, the Brazilian author of The Amazon Shaman and the Happiness Academy blog.