Life in Small Bites

The truth is, life wouldn’t be worth living if there were no difficult times. Although no one wants to face them, one thing to note is that you’ll always learn more about life from times like this. And it’s either you become stronger or it kills you. But it’s always inspiring to tell a victory story at the end of the day.

Alicia Fanning of All Women Stalk shares some life lessons you should always remember:

1. Give yourself the gift of gentleness:When you go through something difficult, be gentle with yourself. Comfort yourself the way you would a friend going through the same thing. Sometimes you have to be your own friend and encourage your own heart. That’s more than okay; in fact, it shows that you have strong coping skills. It’s wonderful if you can see that you need to treat yourself with gentleness.
2. Break the circle of unfairness, unkindness or injustice: When someone treats you unfairly, unkindly or any other way that’s completely wrong, it’s normal to have the urge to treat them the same way. But not giving in to that actually makes you the better person. You’ve got the stronger character. Learn from the way you’ve been treated. Let it be a lesson to not repeat that behavior toward others.
3. You can learn from watching the lives of others:You can learn so much by watching the actions of others in their life. If you’ve watched someone destroy themselves with an addiction, be vigilant that it doesn’t happen to you. If you’ve stood by as someone drowned in self-pity and bitterness, make the conscious choice to have a grateful heart instead of following in their footsteps. Others can show you exactly who you don’t want to be. Be thankful for that life lesson.
4. Who has your back and who doesn’t:Trying times will reveal this truth with glaring certainty. I’m so thankful for the love and support my husband gave me during the difficult #time I went through. It’s sad to learn who isn’t in your corner but it definitely strengthens your bonds with those who are. For me, I learned that my husband always has my back. For you, it may be a friend or family member that devotedly stood by you. Whoever it is, be thankful for those that love and support you in troubling circumstances.
5. To feel your feelings:It’s important to allow yourself to feel your feelings when you’re going through something difficult. Don’t deny or repress them. Feelings aren’t wrong. Allow yourself to be angry, sad or whatever other emotion you have. Processing your feelings is healthy and helps you move on.
6. Time heals all wounds:It’s true that there are wounds that never completely heal. But they do fade or they heal to the point that it’s only a scar. Time can heal in such #beautiful ways. #Things that are devastating today won’t be as difficult in a few weeks or months. Allow #time to do it’s work on your heart.
7. You are stronger than you think:Lastly, after you emerge from a difficult time, you’re going to realize that you’re stronger than you knew. You may not see it in the midst of what you’re facing. This’s something you see more in hindsight. But it’s a wonderful thing to #look back and see that you grew as a person through the experience you went through. It can be empowering to see your inner strength!

http://bit.ly/1IV3hod (audio)

The following wisdom is shared by Michael Josephson, professor and attorney who founded the nonprofit ‘Institute of Ethics’.

Here’s the bad news:

Virtue isn’t a golden ticket to a pain-free life. Bad things happen to good people as often as they happen to bad people.

It seems unfair, but in the natural order of the world, suffering is random. To expect otherwise is to sentence oneself to despondency, disillusionment, bitterness, and anger.

Here’s the good news:

The magic power that comes with our humanity isn’t a shield protecting us from misfortune but an inner strength that helps us deal with it, overcome it, and learn from it so we can still find love, laughter, and joy despite it.

At our darkest moments, we can’t see and often don’t believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes we think the tunnel is our life. This is when we need to have faith in our inner strength and summon the moral courage to find the spark within that, with just a

puff of hope, will become a flame bright enough to show us the way out.

But what can we do if despair is feeding on the soul of someone we love?

We can’t carry their burdens or make their pain or grief go away, but we can be a friend so they don’t suffer or grieve alone.

Simply by being there – with a shared tear, a kind hug, or an outstretched hand – we can be a living answer to despair’s dark question: “How can I go on?”

In the midst of despair, being reminded that tomorrow is another day provides no comfort because it’s hard to believe tomorrow will be any better. But it will be. Tomorrow is the doorway to the future, and that’s where we’ll live the rest of our lives.

This is Michael Josephson reminding you that character counts.

Bangkok, Thailand: Recently for several weeks in the early morning I had been using a pedestrian overpass to cross over a large boulevard. At the far-end, squatting at the entrance to the down staircase, was a blind leper.   He had only nubs for fingers and toes.   The shirtless leper positioned himself there to request alms from the people crossing the overpass on their way to work. He held the palms of his disfigured hands together in the gesture of a respectful ‘wai’.

Each morning before crossing the overpass I would take a 20-baht note (60 cents) from my money-clip in my pants pocket and slip the note into my shirt pocket for easy retrieval.   As I passed the leper I would drop the note into his cup cradled between his bent legs. Too often I would drop my note and hurry past not giving him or myself any sense of connection. Why? Somewhere hidden in a foolish place in my psyche I suspect that there is a fear of being contaminated – not with his leprosy – but his tragic luck.

Walking down the stairs I felt a faint sliver of contentment in having done some small charitable act.

One morning with my readied 20-baht note in-hand I walked the length of the overpass and down the stairs without encountering the leper.   I repeated this exercise several times during the next two weeks and never again saw the man.

Thoughts that he was sick or had died persisted. I wondered who was caring or cared for him. What are the circumstances when a blind beggar with leprosy dies? Is he simply discarded as if resolving an inconvenience? My thoughts included my sense of thankfulness for my own health and of my family members. They also included unanswerable questions about why some are selected for lives of misery and others’ lives of privilege and plenty. No epiphanies occurred – but a resounding confirmation of personal responsibility in acknowledging the privileges and contributing through service to those without.

In the last few years I imagined a novel with a revisionist history wherein Al Gore had been elected President instead of GW in 2000. What might be different? Who knows? Maybe still a 9/11 attack and Afghan invasion. Maybe not.

Certainly no Iraq invasion. No ‘Citizens United’ political corruption. I suspect Wall Street would have been reined in more effectively or at least held accountable and that the Assault Weapons ban would have not been repealed. America’s positive responses to global warming challenges would now be leading the planet to possible solutions.

In late 2015 I learned today that some influential people were urging Gore to run again for President in 2016. He did not and the US and the World are worst for it.  Today and tomorrow we need wizened leadership – and I do not now see it in any of the current 2024 announced candidates.

Blind, semi-conscious, experiencing extreme weight pressure, I was upside down hurtling toward earth at over 500 mph.

This was not my plan.

I was flying a USAF T-38 Talon, supersonic jet trainer – solo. What started as a routine training flight over mountains in southern Arizona, in the last month of year-long pilot training, had turned into a life challenging and changing event.

The plan had been to practice aerobatic maneuvers at altitudes between 25,000 and 10,000 feet to exercise control and confidence over all aspects of flight. One of the maneuvers to practice was a ‘Barrel Roll’. The maneuver is deceptively complex, involving continuous rotation around all three axes from start to finish. Successful demonstration requires thorough mastery of basic rolling and looping skills.

Proper execution of the maneuver required strict control of airspeed, aircraft attitude, direction, angle of attack, and roll-rate. In the last half of a Barrel Roll with the aircraft inverted, if the pilot did not keep the proper roll-rate and applied too much backpressure on ‘the stick’ a dangerous condition could result. With too much backpressure the aircraft would be upside down, headed to the ground, gaining excessive speed, and losing altitude rapidly. Sound familiar?

The proper recovery is to quickly rollout of the inverted attitude, regain level flight, and full aircraft control.

This should have been my plan.

Instead I had miss-controlled roll and back stick pressure trying to ‘pull through’ the turn and ended up in a ‘Split S’ maneuver. The increasing G-forces were causing the blood to drain from my brain resulting in ‘tunnel-vision’ to ‘grey-out’ to blindness.

I pulled out of the inverted dive at less than 800 feet AGL (Above Ground Level). My G-suit was fully inflated and my vision slowly returned. The G-meter was pegged at over seven G’s (7 X force of Gravity).

I was alive, had busted the safe altitude restrictions, stressed the aircraft, and had some decisions to make. Option A: I could regain a safe altitude and recover to Base, not disclose my loss of control, be thankful for surviving, and live to fly another day.

Or – Option B: I could do a ‘Reset’ – position my aircraft again at a safe 15,000 ft. and attempt another Barrel Roll.

I chose Option B. I do not profess bravery. It was clear to me that to be a competent and confident pilot I must immediately master fear and self-doubt. I did so with a forced confidence. This was not foolish courage as in earlier flights I had successfully completed the maneuver when flying with an instructor.

Mentally I knew the physical techniques to control my aircraft for proper execution. The required task at hand was to translate knowledge into action by physically and precisely controlling the airspeed, attitude, stick pressure, and roll-rate.

I willed ever-greater confidence and courage, reset my aircraft, and completed a near-perfect Barrel Roll.

As I headed back to Base I knew that I had decided and done something personally important. Trusting myself was a huge gift and I would ’cash-in’ on this trust throughout my life.

What were My Lessons Learned?:

1. Be prepared with procedural knowledge for effective recovery actions to potential problems whether operating or leading a personal or group physical task, project, or organization.
2. Learn to recognize and take corrective action at the first signs of a developing ‘out-of-control’ situation.
3. Focused Will (FW), embraced Self-Confidence (SC), and Decisive Action (DA) are the inner resources which call forth the deeper part of me that supports and sustains me offering opportunities for greatest success.
4. When I feel fear and self-doubt they are indicators that I need to ‘Reset’.
5. FW, SC, & DA are also the lances to puncture debilitating fear, self-doubt, and sense of hopelessness.
6. I must not wait for fear or self-doubt to be dispelled. I will use FW to pretend to be SC and proceed to take DA.
7. Creation, inflation, and implementation of FW, SC, & DA are a matter of choice – and it is one that is always available.

Challenge:

Recall a time when you summoned Will and Confidence, did a ‘Reset’, and took Action in spite of fear and self-doubt.

How can you energize this memory to establish a Reset Button to be ever ready to activate your FW, SC & DA when needed?

Our Reset Button is not to be reserved for only severe life challenges. It should be activated whenever fear or self-doubt are felt. This includes all fears:

–       Fear of Failure

–       Fear of Embarrassment

–       Fear of Inadequacy

–       Fear of Disappointing Self or Others

–       Fear of Success

Like muscles or any practiced skill our Reset Button response gets stronger and more effective the more we use it.

Opportunity:

What current or near-term challenges can be handled more effectively by hitting ‘Reset’ and ‘acting-as-if’ now?

***

“Leaders keep their eye on the doughnut and not the hole. They remind themselves it’s better to be in the arena, than to be up in the stands, or out in the parking lot.”

– Steven Pressfield; The War of Art

Dear Friend – If you enjoyed this story I invite you to read all my Personal Stories of Leadership at

http://amzn.to/1Bvv9wz