Life in Small Bites

I was visiting my friend Darren who was living in another city. While Darren and I (13 years old) were walking around the block we met a bully who was older and bigger. He started hurtling insults as us.

We hurriedly walked on. I asked Darren who he was and more about him. Darren said, “ He ‘s a bully. His bark is probably louder than his bite as he usually picks on smaller kids.”

With this knowledge I turned and walked back to the bully.

When the bully stated insulting me again and reached out to push me, I quickly stepped aside, grabbed his shirt, and punched him in the nose. He fell down. I put my knee on his stomach and told him I was going to keep hitting him until he promised never to bother me or my friend again. He did.

For years I carried this memory with feelings of cowardice because I shirked from defending myself at the first encounter. Ultimately with greater wisdom and self-assurance I realized that this was a pretty smart strategy. Knowing your opponent and his capabilities before engaging allows you to plan and prepare – usually resulting in a better outcome.

Lesson: In every combat, be it in the street or in business temper your attack with wisdom.

He sat in his wheelchair smiling and exuding charm and confidence.

Years before as a result of two horrendous accidents his body had been burned and disfigured head to toe. Toes had been sewed on his hands to replace burned-off fingers. A number of cosmetic plastic surgeries had somewhat restored his face recreating his nose and lips. Nothing could be done about his crippled unserviceable legs. This was the amazing man W Mitchell that it was my honor to meet.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYBUoGO_9Nw

Our meeting was many years ago in Arizona at a Tony Robbins NLP Certification program. Tony had invited Mitchell to address the participants telling his personal story of overcoming hardship and resourcefully responding. Mitchell’s manner and message were deeply moving and inspiring.

At the time Mitchell was running for the Lt. Governorship of Colorado – under the theme “Not Just Another Pretty Face.”

I had the privilege of spending some ‘one-on-one’ time with Mitchell. His genuine friendliness and personal warmth shined through. Mitchell shared with me that he knew that he would be a good Lt. Governor and had ideas that would benefit the people of Colorado. He also confided that he lacked the funds to run an effective campaign and that he was embarrassed and reticent to ask people for monetary support.

My reaction was swift and forceful. I said, “Mitchell, you are crazy! Don’t you know what an honor it would be for people to support you? Your courage, resilience, and energy are not only monumentally inspiring, they are what is needed to make the changes necessary to bring about needed and wanted change.” I believed my message with all my heart. I felt that we both shared a moment of revelation and mutual appreciation.

Mitchell did not win that election. More significantly he has gone on to be a much sought-after international public speaker. His message of “It’s not what happens to you – it’s what you do about it” is timeless and transformational.

Mitchell’s courage, wisdom, and contributions to inspire others has continued to motivate me. The lesson we shared about ‘giving others the opportunity to support our worthy causes’ has also continued to be a valuable life-lesson. I proudly shared this concept through my own efforts in recruiting support for Operation Smile and Habitat for Humanity – two very productive giving organizations that I have been privileged to serve.

I urge you to go to Mitchell’s website (http://www.wmitchell.com/).

I am confident through Mitchell’s stories and mentoring you will find great value and inspiration – to view your challenges from a transformed perspective and take right actions to handle them resourcefully and resolutely.

Please send me your personal stories of overcoming challenges through personal determination and resourcefulness.

*Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.
*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.
*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.
*A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.
*Words that soak into your ears are whispered… not yelled.
*Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight.
*Forgive your enemies; it messes up their heads.
*Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.
*It don’t take a very big person to carry a grudge.
*You cannot unsay a cruel word.
*Every path has a few puddles.
*When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.
*The best sermons are lived, not preached.
*Most of the stuff people worry about ain’t never gonna happen anyway.
*Don’t judge folks by their relatives.
*Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
*Live a good, honorable life… Then when you get older and think back, you’ll enjoy it a second time.
*Don‘t interfere with somethin’ that ain’t bothering you none.
*Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.
*If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin’.
Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.
*The biggest troublemaker you’ll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin’.
*Always drink upstream from the herd.
*Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
*Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin’ it back in.
*If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, try orderin’ somebody else’s dog around..
*Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
*Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.
*Most times, it just gets down to common sense.

I have adapted the following from a passage from Brendon Burchard, the author and marketing guru.  I converted it to a personal affirmation claiming my aspirations and intentions.

Either I am going to become a successful writer, trainer, coach, and seminar producer to decide that despite the uncertainty and hardship I will never let up, to keep projecting my intention into the distance, always going to find a way to my Vision through any obstacle, until I end up successful… or I am going to end up with the angels for having happily exhausted myself trying to improve our lives and follow my dreams.

I am not going to waste my days meandering about or marching under the banner of other people’s rules.

I must change the situation and follow my dreams with more focus and intensity.

I will think bigger, to stop letting my small business make me small-minded.

I will honor my gifts and amplify my voice into the world so that I might make a greater difference.

I will not to worry about the critics and instead give my whole heart and effort to those who want growth and contribution in life.

I will continually expand my Vision for my life based on my current and always developing circumstances and competencies.

I will be evermore powerful, creative, and stronger than I had first imagined.

I will believe in my heart and my voice and my Mission no matter what, no matter how small it all feels now.

I will remember that growth and cntribution often come from those seemingly endless, fruitless days and nights of faith and discipline.

I have every reason to believe that I can one day live my dream as a writer, trainer, coach, and seminar producer.  My heart tells me it is my path.  My mind has invented dreams so real, that faith said all the struggle and the hardship and the toil will be worth it as I continue to make ever greater contributions to family, organizations, and self.

The journey to legend begins the moment my bias for ease and comfort is overpowered by my drive for challenge and contribution.

I will ‘keep working, keep at it, believe”!

Many of you readers have acknowledged that “My Barrel Roll Theory of Self-Mastery” (http://bit.ly/14mdvB3) stimulated insights and inspiration. For this I am pleased as this was the reason I recounted my experience for my children. The same concepts of Focused Will (FW), Self-Confidence (SC), and Decisive Action (DA) are in play in my story below. Again as I have written these stories for my children I get to play a ‘leading role’.

No “S” Word!!

Sharks!!! The image was on everybody’s mind. No one spoke the ‘S’ word.

My wife, sister and brother in-law, Mother, and 12 year-old sister were aside me in the turbulent Caribbean – dumped from a capsized native dug-out canoe – with no land in sight.

The journey started out several hours earlier.

My family had flown from California to the Republic of Panama, where I was living and working, to spend Christmas with my wife, and me, and our three-month old baby, this generation’s first grandchild. After the Christmas holiday I wanted to treat my family to a tourist adventure to travel to some interesting Caribbean islands.

We had flown east via small plane from Panama City to Porvenir, the northern-most island of Comarca de Kuna Yala, the San Blas Islands, off the Caribbean side of the Republic. Porvenir was the only island of the 365 in the archipelago that had a small landing strip. Except for the strip caretaker this island was uninhabited. There were only 36 of the islands that were inhabited and we had intended to visit three or four to see how the indigenous Kuna people lived and buy Mola blouses and local souvenirs.

The Kuna women were famous for their Mola blouses which are handmade using a reverse appliqué technique. Usually two to seven layers of different-colored cloth are sewn together; the design is then formed by cutting away parts of each layer. The largest pattern is typically cut from the top layer, and progressively smaller patterns from each subsequent layer, thus revealing the colors beneath in successive layers. (see Notes **)

Back to the journey…

My family took a large dug-out cayuco for a 30 minute boat ride to an inhabited island. We toured the island, met the island Cacique (Chief) and bought an armload of Molas. The chief described another island that had excellent Molas and Kuna crafts that was about a 45 minute boat ride away.

A Kuna man with a smaller cayuco bargained to take us to this island.

The sky was darkening and the wind was picking-up. A light rain had started. The Kuna prodded us to hurry and board for the journey. This cayuco, with a small outboard motor on the stern, was only about 14 feet long, very narrow, and barely accommodated my family.

As we carefully boarded the unstable cayuco I noticed that the water was only about six inches below the gunnels. The Kuna hurried us aboard. After several tugs on the pull chord the motor started and we pushed away from the rickety dock.

The cayuco was already laden with a few inches of water and the Kuna boatman motioned for us to use the half coconut shells and bale. We did, barely keeping up with new water wafting over the sides. We continued to bale.

After about 20 minutes into the ride the seas and the rain were becoming more turbulent. We continued to bale. What had been almost a game became an increasing demand. We baled faster. …and then…

the motor quit… The Kuna worked feverishly to restart it. As the cayuco floated motionlessly more and more water came over the sides.   Finally the motor caught and we began moving – slowly, with the weight of all the water – and now the outside sea barely two inches below the gunnels. We baled and baled.

After 10 more minutes with worsening seas the motor quit again. The Kuna desperately tried to re-start it.  No deal. Water flowed into the boat. Water completely flooded the cayuco. We began to sink and then the cayuco capsized. We were all dumped into the ocean.

The outboard motor held the stern of the cayuco well beneath the water and allowed only about six feet of the bow to float above. I yelled for the Kuna to drop the motor. He refused.* We plastered ourselves against the exposed bow of the cayuco. There were no hand-holds, the boat bottom was smooth, and we had to kick to stay in contact with it.

None of us were very good swimmers – save my sister Kristi, who was on her middle-school swim team. My Mother, now a new Grandma, held tightly to a rubber flip-flop sandal and a floating styrofoam cooler.

The Kuna was no help as he was also near panic. With no land in sight I communicated in hand signals as to which way we should point the cayuco. The Kuna decided for us and we all began kicking and kicking – moving the cayuco very slowly.

Time also passed slowly. Lots of kicking – little talk – all words of forced encouragement – no one dared say the “S” word.

After about 15 minutes we spotted a small boat in the distance. The Kuna began yelling. The small six-foot cayuco with a small sail was captained by a young boy, only six to eight years old. There was no room for any other passenger. Our Kuna driver told the boy to go to the nearest island and bring help. The boy sailed off and we never saw him again.

In the distance we could see waves splashing over a raised coral reef. We kicked and kicked and kicked until we were over the reef. The reef was about 2-4 feet below the surface. I grabbed the bow-line and with the others floating along side and holding on to the overturned cayuco, I began to walk across the reef. The walk was difficult as the reef was very uneven and every step was an opportunity for a mis-step.

The reef extended for about 200 yards. When we came the outer edge we decided to rest and wait. 30 minutes seemed like and eternity when finally we saw a boat coming toward us. This cayuco was smaller that ours and could only take three of us.   Grandma, Kristi, and my sister-in-law boarded the small rescue cayuco and headed for an unseen island.

In 30 more minutes the cayuco returned to gather those of us remaining.

When we approached the dock of the new island Grandma was standing, waiting, and still holding the rubber flip-flop and the styrofoam cooler. These were not about to be surrendered.

Climbing out of the cayuco I saw that my legs from knees to ankles were covered with embedded sea urchin spines. I had not noticed that I was being pierced with the spines as I walked across the reef. Only when safe did I begin to feel the pain of all the little spears. I claim no act of bravery or martyrdom. In truth during the reef-walk I did not feel them. It was another lesson that when we are intently focused on a goal or destination many pains and obstacles are irrelevant.

As I started to pull the spines out of my legs a young Kuna girl gently slapped my hand. She gestured me to not pull the spines out. She broke off one and showed me the reverse barbs and through hand-signs told me that they would not come out without making bigger wounds. The girl handed me a coconut shell, like the ones we used to bale with, and gestured to begin beating the embedded spines to pulverize them. This worked – painfully.

What was learned from this adventure?

As the trip organizer the family had looked to me to make the decisions about where and how we would go.   For the fateful cayuco ride I had looked to the Kuna boatman to make decisions about the safety of his cayuco and the proposed trip.   An important lesson was learned here.

1. Take Responsibility – I will never allow someone else, even authorities, to make decisions for my safety or that of my family until I am thoroughly convinced that all is on order – and when my inquiries and instincts tell me ‘no’ – it will be a ‘no-go’.
2. Plan Ahead – As a former Air Force pilot I would never leave the ground until I knew all the ‘emergency procedures’ for my aircraft and had determined alternative landing fields in route. I will apply the same safety rules to all adventures before I set out.
3. Be Prepared – At the first sign of an unsafe situation. I will make new decisions to lessen danger.
4. Stay Focused – When in an unsafe or challenging situation I will stay observant, focused, and committed to solution.
5. N’Gup – Never, Never Give-Up. Quitting is not an option.
6. Words – Never, Never use the “S” word, or any other word or expression that will induce fear in a situation where full attention and resourcefulness are required

Notes:

* I am certain that the outboard motor was this Kuna boatman’s most expensive and important possession.  He was not about to dump it in the bottom of the ocean.

**Formerly before colonization the Kuna women decorated themselves with body-painting of geometric designs and sea creatures. This tradition was out-lawed by the lording colonists and the women transferred their art to blouses – Molas.