Life in Small Bites

The key life lessons in all the bestsellers.

The following excellent thumbnail summaries of the best Self-Help books were written by Thomas Oppong.  Please check-out his many articles in ‘Medium’.

Thomas Oppong

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Personal Growth

Self-help books are everywhere. They’ve been around for centuries. I’ve read hundreds. They all promise to unlock the secrets to a great life. But most of them recycle the same old advice. The core principles? They’re all pretty much the same. So, to save you time, I’ve summarized them for you. Just 20 rules to takeaway. This post is my attempt to condense the repeated lessons of an entire genre into single post. I’m excited to share this with you. Hope you find them useful.

# 1. Make your daily practice too tiny to fail

(Atomic Habits, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, The Lean Startup, The Slight Edge)
— A perfect time will never come. Stop waiting. Save yourself now.
— Small, consistent actions matter more than one-time efforts.
— Motion creates clarity — start now, adjust as you go.
— The first step is the hardest; take it anyway.
— Progress beats perfect outcomes every time.

# 2. Your mindset determines your reality every day

(Mindset, The Magic of Thinking Big, The Power of Now, Awaken the Giant Within)
— Fixed mindset: “I can’t.” Growth mindset: “I can learn.”
— Focus on abundance, not scarcity.
— The past is over; the future is uncertain. Now is the only advantage.
— Your beliefs control your actions and results.
— Stick to thoughts that make you come alive.

# 3. Discipline > motivation

(Can’t Hurt Me, Make Your Bed, The War of Art, No Excuses!)
— Motivation is temporary. Discipline gets things done.
— Push through resistance — the hardest part is starting.
— Small habits compound into massive results over time.
— Willpower is a muscle — train it daily.
— Put your environment to work.

# 4. Your social circle is your mirror

(The 5 Love Languages, How to Win Friends and Influence People, The Compound Effect, The Laws of Human Nature)
— Your relationships influence your mindset, habits, and future.
— Get closer to people who elevate you, not drain you.
— Learn to listen — everyone’s favorite topic is themselves.
— Set boundaries with toxic people.
— You are the company you keep[-choose wisely.

# 5. Invest/spend/use time with intent

(Essentialism, The 4-Hour Workweek, Deep Work, The One Thing)
— No is a complete sentence.
— Prioritize what moves the needle — most tasks are distractions.
— Work in focused sprints, then actively rest.
— Identify and get rid of everything that puts your time at risk.
— Your calendar reflects your true priorities.

# 6. Money isn’t the goal, but it gives you options

(Rich Dad Poor Dad, The Psychology of Money, The Millionaire Next Door, I Will Teach You to Be Rich)
— Spend less than you earn. Invest early.
— Status symbols are distractions. Wealth is freedom, not things.
— Learn financial literacy — nobody’s teaching this in school.
— Automate your savings and investments.
— Avoid lifestyle inflation — live below your means.

# 7. Failure is feedback, not an end

(The Obstacle Is the Way, Grit, Failing Forward, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F****)
— Failure isn’t personal — it’s data.
— Resilience beats talent in the long run.
— Reframe setbacks as lessons for adjustment or pivot.
— Failure is a set up for a come back.
—All growth is discomfort. Make peace with it.

# 8. Health is a springboard for everything else

(Why We Sleep, The 5 AM Club, The Blue Zones, Outlive)
— Sleep is non-negotiable. Prioritize it.
— Move daily — exercise is the closest thing to a happiness pill.
— Eat well. Your brain and body run on what you feed them.
— Manage stress — your body keeps score.
— Hydration and sunlight are underrated essentials.

# 9. Reading is great, but action wins every time

(The Slight Edge, You Are a Badass, The 10X Rule)
— Reading self-help books won’t change your life. Applying them will.
— Don’t get stuck in the learning loop — consume less, implement more.
— The best way to start? Do one small thing today.
— Knowledge without action won’t get you anywhere.
— Doing more > knowing more.

# 10. Gratitude rewires your reality

(The Happiness Advantage, The Gratitude Diaries, The Power of Now, The Miracle Morning)
— Gratitude trains your brain to focus on what’s working.
— The more you appreciate, the happier you become.
— Start and end your day with things you’re grateful for.
— Gratitude reduces stress and increases optimism.
— What you focus on expands.

# 11. Freedom begins when approval-seeking ends

(The Courage to Be Disliked, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***, Daring Greatly, The Four Agreements)
— People are too busy worrying about themselves to truly judge you.
— External validation doesn’t last; self-acceptance is the goal.
— Say “no” without guilt — that’s how you set your time free.
— Stop caring what others think/do/say.
— Confidence comes from action, not overthinking.

# 12. Words change lives: use them wisely

(How to Win Friends and Influence People, Never Split the Difference, Crucial Conversations, The Charisma Myth)
— Listen more than you talk — people love to be heard.
— Ask open-ended questions to build better connections.
— Speak clearly: how you say it matters as much as what you say.
— Learn to negotiate; life is full of unseen deals.
— Body language and tone often say more than words.

# 13. Your rituals & habits is how you live

(Atomic Habits, The Power of Habit, The Compound Effect, Tiny Habits)
— Small daily actions create massive long-term results.
— Identity-based habits stick: “I am a runner” beats “I should run.”
— Remove friction for good habits; add it for bad ones.
— What you do daily is working for or against you.
— Environment matters: set up your space for daily wins.

# 14. Detach from the drama of the mind to find clarity

(The Power of Now, The Untethered Soul, As a Man Thinketh, The Miracle Morning)
— You are not your thoughts — observe them, don’t obey them.
— Don’t obsess over the problems in your life.
— Replace negative self-talk with actionable beliefs.
— Think solutions, not everything wrong with your life.
— Your emotions follow your focus — direct it wisely.

# 15. Don’t just put in more effort

(Essentialism, The 4-Hour Workweek, Deep Work, The One Thing)
— Prioritize tasks with the biggest effects.
— Get rid of busywork — activity doesn’t equal real work.
— Delegate or automate repetitive tasks.
— Set boundaries — don’t let work consume your life.
— Work on similar tasks in batches not as individual tasks.

# 16. A good life is a trail — follow the footprints

(Tools of Titans, Think and Grow Rich, Tribe of Mentors, The Laws of Success)
— Study successful people — what are they doing differently?
— Learn from mentors, whether in person or through books.
— Success is a pattern you can replicate.
— Focus on habits and mindsets that align with your goals.
— Adapt actions to fit your unique strengths.

# 17. Confidence is built, not born

(The Charisma Myth, The 10X Rule, You Are a Badass, Psycho-Cybernetics)
— Take action despite fear — courage comes from doing.
— Visualize the outcome you expect until it feels real.
— Improve posture, voice, and eye contact — confidence is physical too.
— Learn from mistakes instead of fearing them.
— Keep promises to yourself — self-trust fuels confidence.

# 18. Drop your ego to level up

(Ego Is the Enemy, The Daily Stoic, Meditations, The 48 Laws of Power)
— Ego blinds you to growth — stay humble and curious.
— Don’t stand in your own way.
— Avoid seeking validation at the cost of authenticity.
— Focus on mastery, not just recognition.
— Let results speak louder than ego.

# 19. Simplicity is clarification

(Essentialism, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, Digital Minimalism, The Minimalist Way)
— Declutter your space — it declutters your mind.
— Say “no” to distractions disguised as opportunities.
— Prioritize what truly adds value to your life.
— Reduce digital noise — it dulls the mind.
— Less but better — quality over quantity in everything.

# 20. Work on yourself to find joy

(The Happiness Advantage, The Art of Happiness, The How of Happiness, The Untethered Soul)
— External success doesn’t create lasting happiness.
— Joy comes from gratitude, growth, and meaningful relationships.
— Learn to enjoy the process, not just the outcome.
— Stop pursuing “enough” — define what it means to you.
— Be more present. Take each day as a single life.

Following very thoughtful article was written by Don Johnson.  Here is a link to his book, Living a Conscious Life.:

Living a Conscious Life: A Thinking Persons Guide to Peace, Wholeness, and Freedom

Donald E. Johnson

I was in Morocco driving my beat-up rental car to play golf, navigating around dozens of 50cc motorbikes, passing the occasional donkey carrying bags of mint. I hoped not to get stopped at the police checkpoints because my license was at home, but despite that I thoroughly enjoyed the ride through the sun-baked, rock-strewn desert southwest of Marrakech.

A thought came into my head — a fragmented piece of memory from the past packaged up as something to be afraid of. I felt anxiety in my body, a calling card of fear. At first, I was puzzled. Where did this come from? Why now?

Then, I remembered what I had learned from the past: Don’t engage with fear. Let it go. Walk away.

I took a few deep breaths and let the thought pass.

Happy days again. Peace in the valley. Let the bells of freedom ring.

Back to dodging potholes, cars on the wrong side of the road, and any errant sheep wandering from the herd.

If you’ve been around for a while, like me (seventy-three now), we’ve been through a lot, you and me — the daily grind of life — the ups and the downs. The wins and the losses. The smiles and the tears. The marriages and the divorces. The happiness and the heartbreak.

When we live with conscious intent, we learn.

Most wisdom results from our life experiences, where we get to know ourselves, our tendencies and triggers, what we’re good at doing, and what we don’t like. We learn to play nice in the sandbox and realize that everyone doesn’t see the world as we do.

As we age, our wisdom accumulates, layer upon layer. We get smarter but don’t flaunt it because we’re more self-contained. We no longer need to prove anything to anyone, so we keep many life lessons to ourselves. We might look frazzled, out of shape, or worn out, but looks are deceiving. It’s what’s inside that counts.

If you’ve been doing the inner work as you age and sorting out your sh*t, you start to mellow — what used to wind you up doesn’t have the same grab on you. You might be more interested in getting rid of stuff than buying more. Maybe you listen more than you talk because you’ve realized that you learn nothing new by speaking.

But along with aging comes new challenges, bringing us to this article’s main point.

What are the new challenges?

Living on a fixed income. Dealing with health issues. Feeling your body tighten up. Taking care of family members. Adjusting to living alone or living with others. Worrying about not having enough money or becoming a burden to your loved ones.

Given that I aim to live a peaceful life, serve others, do work that I enjoy, and maintain my health and inner well-being, there are two things I am committed to keeping out of my life.

The first is fear — fear of what might happen in the future.

A few years ago, I had an out-of-body experience doing Holotropic Breathwork. As I floated around in the cosmos, a spirit voice told me I was fully taken care of and had nothing to worry about—now or ever. Yeah, wow.

It was a powerful reminder of what intuitively I knew, yet it was particularly poignant.

It’s easy to forget that God, guides, spirits, angels or whatever you believe in are looking after us. Life chews on us. Someone we don’t like gets elected. We get a troubling medical report from our doctor. We lose a source of income.

Before you know it, fear is knocking on our door. It wants to get in. It wants to run the show. It looks for a weakness to exploit to establish a permanent residence in you.

Fear is a virus that separates us from ourselves, the present moment, peace and contentment. It makes us brittle and smaller, diminishes our capacity to think rationally, and can erode our health and well-being.

Love and fear can not occupy the same space.

Let go of fear, embrace Love.

That message from the Universe has stuck with me, and if I feel the slightest bit of fear, I remind myself that I have nothing to worry about. And, sometimes, for an extra boost of fun, I’ll invite Bob Marley to the party and sing along while he tells me not to worry about anything and that everything is going to be alright. Three Little Birds, what a fabulous song.

Singing, dancing, and drumming are ancient practices that connect us with our spirit, give us hope, and brighten our lives. I’ve read that when Indigenous people were ill, the first question the village shaman would ask was when they last danced, sang or drummed.

Tired of the talkative mind and dealing with all the chit-chat in your head? Try singing.

You can’t think when you sing. I’m not kidding. Singing puts you into the present like nothing else.

No fear there.

The second thing I don’t allow room for is self-doubt.

For me, self-doubt results from negative self-talk and unresolved or unconscious wounds in the psyche.

Self-doubt manifests in beliefs like:

• I’m not good enough.
• I’m a difficult person.
• My health is in decline.
• I have a crappy life.
• I should have never…
• If only…

Whatever we did in the past is over. There’s nothing we can do about it now. Regrets and wishes about the past are energy drains. What’s more useful is to focus on what you learned and how you grew due to your “mistakes.” (I believe it’s far more productive to think of life experiences as learning opportunities for the future, not mistakes).

Our subconscious has the power to make our beliefs real. If you think and complain that your health is declining, your subconscious hears that and does what it can to make it a reality.

One powerful tool to reframe negative self-talk and old wounds, as you probably know, is affirmations. Sure, they may seem superficial and ridiculous initially, but with practice and time, they will help rewire your neural pathways. I’ve used and continue to use them with remarkable success.

Here are a few:

• My body is a healing machine.
• I’m full of love, light and happiness.
• All of my needs are cared for.
• I’m committed to serving others and sharing my wisdom with the world.

A powerful way to discover what limiting beliefs or negative self-talk, if any, are running in the background of your psyche is to grab a pen and paper and write down what you are afraid of. Look the list over and ask yourself if they are true. Dig deep. If you have any, I bet they’re all future-focused and represent the worst imagined future. If you believe them and build your life around them, you can just as easily accept the opposite.

For example, let’s imagine one thing on your list is that you’re afraid you don’t have enough money. Reframe: I have plenty of money to care of my present and future needs. Try putting that on your cell phone home screen, on a Post-it note on the frig and recite out loud several times a day, every day for a few weeks. What’s the worst that could happen?

I used this example because I know a guy who makes hundreds of thousands of dollars annually. He thinks of his money as a massive pile of cash in his backyard, yet constantly worries that he doesn’t have enough money! Ridiculous!

So, in summary, how can you keep self-doubt and fear out of your life?

Here are four practices that can help.

1. Do your best every day. Measure your success not by your achievements but by how you conduct yourself.
2. Be present in whatever you’re doing. One thing at a time. No hurrying or multitasking. Keep it simple. Be the observer of your thoughts. Notice any ANTs (automatic negative thoughts), and don’t give them any energy or attention.
3. Be grateful for what you have. Remind yourself how fortunate you are. When someone says you’re lucky, acknowledge it and say, “Yes, I’m fortunate and blessed.” We make our own luck.
4. Focus on the routines that energize, give you vitality and bring you joy. Forget about what you can’t control.

Thank you so much for reading. Have a wonderful day/evening.

— Don

My new book, Living a Conscious Life: How to Find Peace, Wholeness, and Freedom in a Chaotic World, is now available on Amazon. You can also join my mailing list here and keep in touch.

It’s about a key Buddhist concept

Photo by Darius Bashar on Unsplash

Insights shared by Thomas Oppong

I use the sea and massive open green spaces as reality checks. They strip all my identities and help me get back to pure consciousness. Every time I stand at the edge of the ocean, staring at the horizon, I feel both tiny and infinite at the same time. It’s a humbling feeling.

I let go of my ego, fears and attachments.

The experience puts life into perspective.

Spiritual teacher and author of The Power of Now (one of best books on conscious living), Eckhart Tolle notes “The secret of life is to die before you die — and find that there is no death.”Letting go of everything that holds is back from experiencing our pure selves is life-changing. Tolle speaks of inner transformation. You get rid of the parts of yourself that no longer serve you. You let go of who you think you are.

And in that space, you find the real you hidden under the noise.

Dying before you die is letting go of the illusion that you are just your mind or the drama of it. It means you let go of your false ego. You let go of fear. You let go of control. Let go of the false stories you tell yourself. You die to old habits that don’t serve you. You die to old beliefs holding you back. You stop hiding from your shadows. You accept your mortality. And get back within to find the real self that’s always there. Waiting.

You get back to conscious understanding.

You do this in life.

You die to the person (identity) you think you are. And find out that death is not the end. But a transformation. It’s the real death of who you are not. And when you do that, you realise something huge: you’re still here. More alive than ever. If you do that, what dies is also the key to your conscious self. Alive in the now, experiencing life as is.

Trees go through this process every year: They lose their leaves. Trust the natural process of life and let go. And then wait to bloom again.

Dying before you die shows up everywhere.

In Buddhism, they call it ego death. In Christianity, it’s surrender. In Stoicism, it’s memento mori — remember you will die. All of them say the same thing: stop holding onto false realities. Everything that doesn’t serve you. When you just are, you are one with your conscious self. And that, my friend, is the secret to your best life. Die before you die and you might find something you never expected — inner peace.

“Your worst enemy is hiding within yourself, and that enemy is your nafs or false ego.” — Rumi.

Tolle’s quote applies to life every day.

You face small deaths. You face big deaths. You lose a job. You lose a relationship. You lose someone close to you. You grieve. You heal. You get back inside to reconnect with the still “self” that is. The “you,” fully alive and in control of the path. That’s how you separate yourself from everything that takes you on dark paths.

“To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders,” teacher and philosopher Lao Tzu said.

You are probably thinking, you’ve made your point.

How do you practice “dying before you die”?

Start by getting quiet. Sit in silence. Notice your thoughts. But don’t engage. Separate the observer (you) from the noise (the drama in your mind). Stop believing every thought. Stop resisting what is. That’s the real death — ego death. The part of you that worries, obsesses, and panics about uncertainty?

That’s not you.

That’s just noise. Get quiet. Watch your thoughts, but don’t become them. Notice the space between them. That space? That’s who you are. Not the fear. Not the story. Just awareness. Buddha said, “Attachment is the root of all suffering.” We hold on so tightly to identities, beliefs, and even pain. Let them go. That’s dying before you die. You loosen the thoughts of who you think you are. You make peace with what is.

Whoever loses who they think they are will find who they really are at the other side. Let the false self go, and the real self will show up for you. The self that can’t be touched by loss, time, or fear.

The free self.

But it’s hidden because the mind fights back.

It wants the drama. It loves to hold on. It tells you that without it, you are nothing. That’s the lie. When you stop reacting, when you sit in stillness and let things pass through you, you see it. Life experiences that terrify us come and go, but you remain. So, die before you die. Drop the fear. Drop the illusion of control.

What’s left is inner peace. Presence.

Life itself.

And the best part? When you do this, you realize: there is no death. Only change. Only life, endlessly happening for you, not to you.

My NEW book: The little book of spiritual wisdom (for free or pay what you want for now). The very best of spiritual teachers, condensed into a short ebook. A practical spiritual life manual that might change your approach to life.

It’s about a key Buddhist concept

Socrates teaching the Elders

Tell yourself—you’ll figure it out.
Not “maybe.” Not “hopefully.” You will.
You’ll wake up tomorrow with fire in your chest and answers in your hands. The ideas will strike like lightning. The solutions will be so obvious you’ll wonder why you ever doubted yourself.
Tell yourself—you won’t complain.
You won’t whine. You won’t pity yourself. You’ll take what you have and make it work. You’ll find a way, because that’s what you do.
Tell yourself—you won’t fold.
You’ve taken the worst life could throw at you before. And you’re still standing. You don’t break. You adapt. You carry on. You turn pain into power and pressure into diamond polish.
Tell yourself—you’ll find a way.
There is always a way. Always. Others quit? Let them. Others hesitate? Good. That leaves more for you.

You’ll keep moving forward until the walls crack, until the doors open, until the world bends to your will.
Tell yourself—as Marcus Aurelius did,
“What happened could have happened to anyone, but not everyone could have carried on without letting it distress him.” 
Tell yourself—you belong in any room you walk into.
You don’t chase. Your good energy attracts and connects. People feel your divine presence before you even speak. Your words don’t just fill silence; they charm and command attention. They linger. They impact.
Tell yourself—good things will happen.

Because you refuse to accept anything less. Because you’ve decided to be great. Because doubt is a disease and your self-belief & diligence are its cure. Because when you say something, it’s not a wish. It’s a fact waiting to happen.
Now go! Get what you want.